When’s the last time you got in trouble? When is the last time you did something, and OOOOPPPPSSSS, you made a mistake. Big one, small one…does it matter, we don’t like making mistakes. It’s so darn uncomfortable. What’s to do???
I’d like to start out by saying, I know I’m like a bull in a china store. I know. I’m working on it. I do come by it honestly; my mother is FULL BLOODED German. I’m type A. I was an engineer for 15 years. I’m stubborn. I’m HIGHLY competitive. I spent a lot of years needing to fight for myself, to survive. I’m sure many can relate.
So the unraveling of those knots (samskara for the yogis)…it’s a process. Or a roller coast ride for the adventurous. Here is what I’ve come to know in the last six months or so.
The roller coaster ride NEVER stops. Ha ha ha ha. That’s fantabulous right! So you can vomit each time or you can change how you respond.
How in the world do you do that? Well, lots of ways to get at it. Yoga has got some good stuff. Faith in God is a winner too. But this blog isn’t really about that stuff. Maybe my superstar friend can blog about that! She’s got more of this…FINESSE to talk about those things than I do. 🙂
FINESSE
Skillful management of your words or actions. (my definition) Here is Websters.
REACT instead of RESPOND. We might feel we need to DEFEND instead of COMMUNICATE.fi·nesse [ fi néss ]
- physical skill: elegant ability and dexterity
- tactful treatment: a delicate and skillful approach in dealing with a troublesome situation
- tactic in bridge: in bridge, an attempt to win a trick with a lower-value card while holding a higher card not in sequence, hoping that the opponent to the left will not play a card of intervening value
Synonyms: skill, flair, grace, elegance, poise, assurance, refinement
We might want to close down and protect ourselves instead of being open and maybe consider the possibility that…their side is valid and worth considering. It’s hard to listen how…maybe…you…made…a…mistake.
These things go a long way. “I hear you. I understand. I am sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”
And in the background, or perhaps the fore-ground, ask yourself (REAL FAST): where am I in this, as far as my personal values, ethics, integrity, being authentic. Be honest with yourself. The answer will rocket out at you. Then respond accordingly.
Because being in CONFLICT doesn’t mean anything BAD. It’s not something to shy away from. Granted, it’s uncomfortable, so we do tend to shy away from it. But get this. It’s in those moments of conflict that you receive a lot of clarity. Personal growth. Understanding. Assuming you are paying attention.
How do you get to having that much intentional thought? Presence of mind. Self control over emotions.
Meditation / Quiet Time
Self Study
Patience. Practice. Disciple.
Yoga
Conclusion: I don’t think FINESSE is about having this ability to function day to day and never have conflict, discord, issues, blah blah blah. I think it’s about being able to communicate what’s in your heart. Mistake or no. In the moment. My opinion, if it’s in your heart, it’s good stuff, needed somewhere.
P.S. Mistake = opportunity for growth. Perhaps not a “wrong”, in relation to “right”. A perception. Interactions with humans is messing business, it’s not black and white. So my use of “mistake” isn’t a clear “you did wrong”. Just a…ticket for the Orient Express.
