Author name: Kyra

When we think of Warrior, we think of those really tough people. Dude from Gladiator. Man oh man was he a looker in that movie! Sometimes we … think they are so hard, hard to get to know, maybe too abrasive, to the point … etc. That warrior tho … they aren’t afraid to do the hardest stuff. And personally I think they love and feel the most as well.

I am a Warrior. I always have been. For animals. For those suffering. For … the underdog. For myself. And I’ve had to be.

For the Warrior … It’s just our make up. Who we were made to be to gift the earth. Lightening it up a bit … this make up … the ability to hold the line, do the super tough stuff … leads us to do things that most don’t. Won’t. Like train for an Ironman. We just know … we can feel … that there is so much more … We drive and strive for it. (And when we experience that … we might become junkies!).

Warriors don’t strive for perfection …. but for the personal satisfaction that we did INDEED DO SOMETHING THAT WE THOUGHT WE COULDN’T. OR … something that we knew we ACTUALLY COULD NOT do at the start, a fact, but we were brave and changed into the person that COULD DO IT. We didn’t let a little thing call fear stop us.

WE HELD THE LINE.

Some of us have these very soft spots. Be it just how we are made. Like … if we feel the green on the leaves, really enjoy the bird chirping, want to sing with the wolves and feel the wind, the breathe of the earth, caress our skin. For very sensitive people it’s hard to deal with all the energy we feel from others. I’m beginning to really learn that for the … big awesome parts of being a GOAL DREAM CHASER (and achiever) come the equal side of … the most sensitive and soft element of ur souls. Those Warriors … their hearts are MASSIVE. That’s what gives them the juice needed to GET AT IT until it’s done. Regardless of what we are talking about. Fighting for our kids health, for our marriages, for our personal ….ethics and happiness/contentment. For Ironman. For being the best parent or human being possible.

So … for the Warrior Heart, dealing with all that we feel around us is hard. Especially the negatively, hate and other terrible things that hurt our souls.

I think that most warriors have this more than some. This is what makes us the warriors. Those that stand up for folks. Stand up for what we believe in. Don’t play small. Are super driven. We know that we have a purpose. We strive for that. It’s our deep connection with that that makes us all ultimately strong, that births the warrior. The catch 22. The yin and yang of it all.

Or maybe other things … create these soft spots. Or make them even softer. The world can be a cruel place. Maybe your parents didn’t say “I love you enough”. Maybe there was so much negativity that it felt as if you were drowning. Maybe things happened that really hurt your soul. Those deepest parts of you.

The Warrior will find a way. The soft spots will be protected, as thats what we do. We fight for those that can’t. We protect. (For ourselves as well). We stand up regardless of the cost. We are so driven that we instinctively don’t want the softness to … impede or drive forward.

A lot can be said about how our society deals with these soft spots. Look at rape for instance. It’s just completely terrible that the “victim” role is so solidified by our justice system (or lack of it), how our society portrays … female sexual rights, how we deal with the issue in generally and the “therapies” that result. Do we really help the soft spot to heal or just put a shit ton of bandages on it? So much to say about how our society completely fails in the emotional/spiritual healing arts. It’s no surprise really that children are killing other children in school. (Don’t shoot me … but seriously … we are not addressing personal space violations, bullying, etc well. Look at facebook fav memes and twitter. 😉 )

Back to the point. The Warrior’s Soft Spots

This might be why you see these people that are so hard … angry … shut down. They have found a space where they can breathe and hold the soft spots together. They have not only glued themselves together, but have fortified that soft and quiet place with concrete. And armed with with anger or … or … or …

It’s really hard to … take the bandages off the soft spots and allow more air to them. There is pain involved. It can be breathe taking … to walk forward and have the wounds out in the open.

Our society generally doesn’t deal well with the soft spots. So … it makes it hard to learn the lesson and let go of what we don’t need anymore. Maybe a bit of a scar but you know … if you manage wounds and soft spots well … they can heal well. Be as strong as if not hurt. It just takes … bravery to do the work and support in what ever color that comes to you. I really don’t think we can do that work ourself. However we ADD HEALING / POSITIVE / whatever to the mix to help the soft spot become more cohesive with our whole being. (not something that we continue to always have to protect. something that we can live with like our fav pair of jeans).

Getting to that place can be tough. And it’s a truth that … the soft spots, the healing … some times the ebb and flow of life changes our “status” with things. For those that have lost babies … it can be 20 years down the road and you’ve done the hard work to get to the place where the pain isn’t a roar. It’s a place that you cherish in your soul. But add … one smell, one sight of something that …. adds just a bit of energy to that spot. Brushes it just the right way to trigger …. pain, confusion, unease, fear …. and … we get surprised by that. It’s the advanced lesson to know this and to see it for what it is. Maybe no more work needs to be done. Just let that feeling pass like a cloud in the sky, being directed by the breathe of the earth.

Maybe there is work to be done. Maybe you need to listen and decide … what am I going to do this softness. So maybe things to do. Not all of them really mean anything is wrong. It really is all in how you want to roll the next moment. The next day. The next time that earth breathes on you.

Namaste

1. V-Lift

Lie facedown on an exercise ball. Position your pelvis in the middle of the ball, hands resting lightly on the floor, legs straight, feet shoulder-width apartment legs in a “V” position. Keeping your back flat, squeeze your glutes to lift legs as high as you can. Lower and repeat. 10-15 reps.

2. Single-Leg Hip Abduction

Place the resistance band around your things, a few inches above your knees. Lower into a squat. Keeping the torso still, step on foot back at a 45-degree angle. Return to start; quickly switch to the other foot. That’s one rep. Repeat, alternating legs. (Additionally, you can do all reps on one side). 10-15 reps

3. Monster Walk

Place a resistance band just above your ankles. With your legs far enough apart to keep tension in the band, walk 20 steps to the right (make sure to pick up your back foot, and don’t allow the knees to collapse inward). Reverse to the left to return to start. 1 set is 20 steps to the left and right.

4. Single-Leg Deadlift

Stand on right foot, knee slight bent, left foot hovering nexts to the right. With back flat (or as much as the hamstring(s) allow), hinge forward reaching arms straight toward floor and raise left legs straight behind you. Return to start, remaining on one foot. Do 10-15 reps. You can add weight if you master the weightless version. Switch legs. 10-15 on each leg.

5. Hamstring Press

Lie facedown, arms bent so hard are folded in front of you, elbows out. Hold an exercise ball between your shins and ankles, legs bent 90 degrees. Squeeze glutes and lift the ball straight up and a few inches off the floor. Lower and repeat. Set is 10 – 15 reps.

6. Bulgarian Split Squat

Stand with feet hi-width apart, a few feet in front of a stability ball, hands clasped at chests. Place right foot (shoelaces down) on top of ball. With weight in your left floor, lower into a deep lunge. Push into left heel to stand. Do 10-15 reps each side.

Equipment Need: resistant band (circle), exercise ball

As a triathlon coach, yoga teacher, strength and condition coach and recovered severe-injury hip athlete, I highly recommend, push, almost-force my athletes into the idea of strength work for the hip girdle. Here is a great article bringing endurance, strength, stability and body health into one thought process.

What the glutes do:

How they get out of balance:

1. Athletes, for once reason or another, have over developed quads and hamstrings.

2. Sitting at an 8-5 causing deconditioning to these vital rotators/stabilizers as the activity of sitting does not activate the glutes. (unless you happen to work while sitting on a stability ball). ‘

3. Additionally, sitting for long periods of time causes decreased blood flow to the hip area which also deconditions muscles.

4. Our daily habits have a large contribution to what happens when we are running or doing other awesome activities. For instance, the mom that holds the baby on one hip habitually, the way we drive, the way we sleep, etc. This leads to number #5. But I did want to say #4 out loud and strongly. You can work to correct your glute strength all day long. The real life changing habits come when you address your day to day habits as well. You sit for WAY longer than you run. It’s just the running is the extra stimulus to cause pain, decreased performance and possible injury.

5. Another cause that they don’t think about much is our tendency to be stronger on one side. We have strong kinetic habits that usually result in one hip (or glute specifically) to be less functional. This means that the kinetic firing ability as well as the strength of the glute is less than compared to the other side. Which results in hip girdle imbalance. Which causes a ton of other issues.

Que the singers: “the hip bone is connected to the leg bone…”

For endurance athletes, strength training is very beneficial. You just need to do it in a strategic way, as you will have to juggle quick and strong stimulus/change to the body in addition to the adaptations that come from endurance training. Completely do-able once the principles are understood. Additionally, being very strategic on what strength training is preformed is key, as the endurance athlete, especially the triathlete doesn’t have a lot of extra time. The benefits certainty do make it worth the effort. But again. It has to come from solid education. Most gym trainers don’t quite understand the endurance training body relationship. For instance, bicep work should only be done once the back side of the shoulder cuff is rock solid AND the swim form is good in specific aspects.

Here are some benefits to strength training:

• Stronger bones: they are stimulated to grow stronger (thus one reason why we need to eat well)
• Injury prevention: centered joints are less likely to experience wear and tear. Just like your tired. Keep the alignment spot on and the tires last longer. So smart lifting means you bring balance to the limited dimensional running and biking.
• Improvement performance: for the SAME above reason. BOOM!
• Strength training brings changes to the body faster if done well
• Stronger is better for the spirit
• Stronger is healthier
• Stronger is sexier

Utilizing a coach that understands both endurance training and strength training is really important. It can mean a huge PR or a big fat injury. Learning and understanding the principles is key.

PRINCIPLES

Fact: It takes one to two days to recover from a harder resistance training session. (This is assuming your nutrition status is on par and you are eating well before and after.)

Fact: Your body is pretty efficient at moving it’s own weight. When you ask it to move something heavy, your brain alters its neural recruitment pattern, calling up the most fatigue-resistant muscle fibers so you exert less energy. Kanji Doma, Ph.D. At James Cook University in Queensland.

Fact: Due to delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS) that results after resistance-training, runners that run and push themselves to achieve a certain level of performance after strength training risk injury due to muscle fatigue that causes poor running form. Research shows that performance can be decreased by 10% due to DOMS.

Fact: There is functional/activation type of strength training that can be done prior to running that benefits running form and performance.

Fact: It is acceptable to run on tired and/or sore legs. Dr. Doma suggests keeping your exertion at 70% (or a zone 2 effort). This type of training actually benefits the endurance athlete by stimulating other …. adaptations.

When we get abandoned as a child, or heck, not have the basics from the beginning … shit can end up being really hard at 45.

As a baby, we learn and thrive in acceptance from our parents. They smile when we smile. We coo when they coo. It’s part of human development. The human baby is so immature when it’s born. Darwin. So we aren’t prepared at all for anything. We are freaking smart as a species but oh so fragile.

So it’s one thing to not have enough. The basics. Food. Water. Safety. Smiles. Hugs. I love yous. Family. Toys. Laughs. Our inner self is there, perfect and whole, yet gets covered with how we manage to provide for ourselves. How we mold ourselves into a human that can survive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in this world.

For me. I love stuffed animals. That’s really the only toy I remember having besides some GI Joes I threw into an aquarium. This stuffed alligator. He had these cool teeth that were plastic and kind of fun. He lived in the 2nd drawer of my dresser. So today I have Ganesh. The blue eyed elephant. He goes with me everywhere. Even Julie knows to leave him along. Interesting how we … fill our needs.

On a different note, the feelings and emotions of being abandoned are intense. They are very intertwined with the basic needs of being loved and accepted. Feeling safe. Being left behind can bring with it self-doubt, self-judgement and That stupid and oh so destructive belief (lie) …

“I am not enough”

“I am not good enough”

“I don’t deserve”

I’m an engineer and a tri coach, not a therapist with all the smart brainiac words. You get the meaning, and if you’ve experienced a parent leaving or a spouse or or or …. you know what I’m talking about. Our brains do this crazy thing of trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. A parent leaving a child. That is not what is suppose to happen, there needs to be some sort of reason right?!

Zip forward a couple of years, 10 years, 20 years … and look where we find all the pieces of ourselves. Flavored by so many lies and bullshit beliefs what the inner self can’t seem to get in a word edgewise.

Oh the things that one puts up with, does not adult well … because of these beliefs (lies).

I’m not blaming anyone. Shit happens. People make mistakes. (I do not buy into “the person was doing the best they could at the time”. I find this a big fat f’in copout. Sometimes people puss out and take the easy way out. Sorry. Not sorry).

It’s unfortunate that our “health care” (“human being care”) system (or lack of one) doesn’t deal with this part well. Lives and careers, families and suicides … all flavored by this. Big fat stupid important stuff and we are doing a shitting job at healing our hearts. I have PLETHORA to say about this but I get off track.

So at 30 or 35 or 40 something, or sooner if you’re lucky, you become aware that … you are so much more. And hopefully you get a tiny taste of the possibility of turning inward, that you ARE NOT actually those beliefs.

YOU ARE AWESOME

and maybe

YOU ARE A BADASS

You know what’s the most BADASS. A mom and dad creating a human being and rocking that sh$t out. Shepherding a tiny human being into being a brilliant and loving human adult. THAT is BA. I had the privilege teaching two littles how to read. That’s BA. Again. I digress. Back to the point. You get a breath of the truth, just one is all you need … YOU ARE A BADASS.

So you get to work on healing the heart. And it’s tough stuff. You might meditate to get control of the emotion terrets. You might even think for a moment that you need to stop saying the f word. You might think you really need to change who you are.

And then you hopefully get to the point where you know that, yes, shit might have been F$CKTASTIC but there is no point in blaming others anymore. You can forgive. I don’t think forgetting is necessary as you ARE suppose to be wiser and that doesn’t mean sitting your head in the sand. It means learning and not repeating the mistakes over and over. EVOLVING. If you forgive, the forgetting part really doesn’t matter, as you aren’t hanging that victim bullshit on it. It’s just another artful paint stroke of the YOU canvas. You don’t have to forget to get back to whole and healed.

YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE

You just need to drop some of what you picked up to help you get through the bad patch.

You become strong enough to be open and love like you were created to do. People leaving and doing hurtful things IS NOT about you. It’s about them. Their lessons. You have your own. Be wise to know the difference.

I left my duck friends in the care of the earth. As it should be. They will return to nurture the earth, trees and other animals. As it should be. I leave thoughts of my alligator there as well, placing more of my heart in Faith and belief that I’m just completely fucking (autocorrected to ducking) FINE.

Because maybe this nagging lie that I’m broken is total bullshit. #nmf

As I sit typing to you at Greenwich and 111th street on a box, returning to a place of sorrow filled discovery, I want to share my heart. To give the feelings (energy) back to the universe. To fully feel both sides of this day. Thanksgiving. The beautiful scenes and moments as well as the equally heart grasping sad moments.

Yin and yang. Light and dark. Positive and negative. (Hopefully to see and experience them more objectively, as this seems to be karma’s lesson for me this year). Being brave enough to really feel the feelings, communicate them … to release them like butterflies back to the beautiful earth.

I have so many thoughts that I want to express. Feelings to let flow from my heart, through my fingers to the universe (aka blog, book, your heart) with the earnest intention of letting go of what I don’t need anymore, healing soft parts and maybe (hopefully) inspiring others to do the same. I look at the world and my heart is so saddened with the disregard, blindness, hardness, anger, hate. Love will heal all. This I have always believed. This I have faith in. Unwavering faith. And with this next challenge I have committed to (epic freaking comeback of 2018, being the best human being I can and hopefully rock out another ironman) I am working to bring more of all my being to that faith. To live more in that. The truth that all that is needed is LOVE. Less in pain, hurt and anger.

Quick shift in gears. (T1)

I want to blog about my experience of the medical mission trip to Ecuador and the following adventures. The experience was so intense and I came back a different person. So different that I kind of don’t know myself anymore, yet at the same time I feel as if I’m more “me” than I have ever been. I’m pretty excited to see how I evolve … more on that adventure.

A good friend asked me during the mission trip what I was learning (like big life lesson). I thought for a couple days and landed on being more …. open and honest, clear eyes and full heart, to the equal and opposite side of things. The JOY and the PAIN, as if they weren’t “good” or “bad” but more just opposite ends of this beautiful rainbow that I’m experiencing. As I ask for MORE EPIC adventures/results/goals/victories, I need to toughen up a bit or something to experience the other side of it without … my habitual “OMG” reactions. So much more on this … but maybe you get the idea.

(T2)

LIGHT: This morning running with my friends at the Say Grace 5K. I love racing with my friends. As I’m a HUGE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY! For a person that use to (still has) person space issues (thanks Coach for helping me work on this by sitting on me with your sweaty body 😉 ) I love love love hugging my peeps and planting kisses on their cheeks. More hugs and kisses I say! 🙂

DARK: Experiencing the complete suckage of the state of my running. These heart rhythm struggles have really brought me to my knees. Who likes to get past (in the dust really) by all their friends. And past by the lady that says … “oh, you’ll be waiting on me because I’m super slow”. Humbling. (I will definitely call bs with any dogging of the back of the packers. Or bullying on fb in this realm. Nope.)

Honestly this new lesson for me, experiencing both ends equally is making me feel like I’m bipolar. For reals. The joy of running with friends, racing, getting cool bling, finish line crosses and then hiding behind a tree for a bit because the race was crap-freaking-fantastic and makes you doubt with every foot fall any success at ironman. Hiding behind the tear to let the tears fall. #cleareyesfullheart

The ponying up. Not texting your coach to tell you to ignore the thoughts of doubt because …. it’s so early and what are you going to do quit? Maybe it’s progress to not text him, yet to hear his voice in your heart … “get your mind right Kissinger”. Get on the pony and go biking.

LIGHT: Going on a beautiful (seriously beautiful) bike ride. With good friends. The weather is gorgeous and we just ignore the stupid slow legs and enjoy yourself. Take a couple good selfies. ;). After all, isn’t THIS what Thanksgiving is about … being thankful for the tiny moments that you have. That you have breath to breathe. Sun to see by. Wind to try the sweat and tears.

DARK: Experiencing the beautiful land with so much awareness that you spy and full experience the state of the human condition. A bag full of dead animals. Are they kittens, puppies or dead ducks. Does it matter? What do you do with that feeling … that some human beings are terrible. That as a species, we are destroying this very beautiful place. Maybe that’s why we focus on Black Friday sales, buying stuff we don’t need or can’t afford, to stick our head in the sand about how horrible of a species we actually are. So vivid in my mind and heart is swimming with sea turtles and experience life in a POOR country yet feeling so much more … at peace there as they CLEARLY volume life more than we do. My heart aches for the life that is now in this box. Discarded like trash. No value.

Maybe there is the soft spot. Having been always left in one manner or another.

So … typing this on a box filled with useless loss, a bag full of dead ducks, I feel this experience fully. And am extremely grateful. That I am becoming wiser. Less harden. Stronger and more at ease. I will figure out how to gracefully and with love return these creatures to the earth and with them, let go a bit of my abandoned “soft spot”. Very grateful for a texted question from mostly a complete stranger …. “what got you off course.” The honest answer … “being hurt and losing a bit of faith in the universe.”

I am returning to that place of peace. FAITH.

A place of security, however not devoid of pain and joy. As both are needed to change the soul.