Author name: Kyra

Athlete, Coaching, Ironman, Podcasts, Triathlon

#59 Ironman Triathlon Special Needs Bags

[podcast src=”https://html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5564695/height/90/width/480/theme/custom/autonext/no/thumbnail/yes/autoplay/no/preload/no/no_addthis/no/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/88AA3C/” height=”90″ width=”480″]

What to do with all of the bags you receive at your Ironman race

What the #?$% do I do with all these bags?!

You just checked in at your Ironman race as are headed back to your hotel/condo wondering why did they give me all of these bags – Do I need them? What goes in them?   Where do I need to bring them and when*?  This can seem a bit overwhelming at first thought, so let’s demystify the process.

There will be 5 bags, each with a specific purpose to be utilized in a particular time and place:

  • Pre-swim/dry clothes
  • Swim to bike (T1)
  • Bike special needs
  • Bike to run (T2), and
  • Run special needs.

The bags will either come pre-numbered or you will receive a sticker sheet with your race number to place on the bags.  It is best to think about what you want to put into these bags well ahead of time.  Make a checklist for each bag so that you will not forget a single item.  Lists are a way to keep a sense of control at a time when tensions can be high.  Having this control and order will go a long way to staying calm during your final race preparation.  Let’s take a look at each bag.

Morning Clothes Bag – This bag is for your “street” clothes you wear to transition on race morning and/or your dry clothes for after the race.  Don’t underestimate how great it will feel to get on some dry clothes after being in clothes that can be wet and rather gross for so many different reasons.  😉  One item that is always a post-race favorite are flip-flops (aka “slippers”, if you’re in Kona).

Bike Gear Bag – This bag will be placed in T1 during the gear check-in and will have everything that you need for the bike leg.Transition_bags

  • Helmet
  • Sunglasses
  • Socks
  • Cycling shoes
  • Chamois cream
  • Sunscreen (this is often available in T1)
  • Arm warmers/coolers (and any other special clothing)
  • Race belt with number (if required to wear it during the bike leg)
  • Nutrition (calories, hydration, caffeine, and electrolyte tabs – if not stowed on the bike)
  • Cycling race kit (if not worn during the swim leg)

Run Gear Bag – This bag will be placed in T2 during the gear check-in and will have everything that you need for the run leg.

  • Visor/Hat
  • Running shoes
  • Sunglasses (if not worn on the bike)
  • Race belt with number (if not worn during the bike leg)
  • Nutrition for the run (calories, hydration, caffeine, and electrolyte tabs – if you plan to carry some)
  • Body Glide

Bike Special Needs – This bag will be available to you, usually right around the halfway point of the bike.  This bag will be dropped off race morning*.  Some items for this bag include nutritional items and some basic “oh crap” bike repair items.  Know that these repair items are purely back-ups and you should carry them and more on the bike with you.

  • Nutrition – bottles of your special sauce, gelsbarscaffeine, and electrolyte tabs, etc.
  • Something yummy – if things aren’t going well, it can be nice to have a special treat that you know will sound good.  I always put a king size Snickers Bar in my special needs bag, just in case.
  • Spare tubes/tubular tire
  • CO2
  • Inspirational note or picture.  This is always nice to have…  You can even write a note to yourself with some words of encouragement.

Run Special Needs – This bag will be available to you, usually right around the halfway point of the run.  This bag will be dropped off race morning. Some items for this bag include nutritional items and comfort items.

  • Nutrition – bottles of your special sauce, gelsbarscaffeine, and electrolyte tabs, etc.
  • Something yummy – if things aren’t going well, it can be nice to have a special treat that you know will sound good.  I always put a king size Snickers Bar in my special needs bag, just in case.  Yep, I put one in each of my special needs bags.  J
  • Comfort items – extra pair of socks, long sleeve t-shirt, etc.
  • Vaseline/Body Glide

What you put in your particular bags is a very individual decision.  You have control over what you want out there on race day.  Know that Murphy’s Law is always in effect during those precious 17 hours.  I like to have a system of redundancies.  Think of a squirrel stowing nuts away for the winter.  Before I had laser corrective surgery, I had contact lenses stashed in every bag…  It is better to pack it and not need it, then to leave something out because you “probably won’t need it”.  Also, don’t forget to fully utilize your family and friends as Ironsherpas.  They will want to help and giving them a specific task, i.e. carrying your equipment and/or dropping off your special needs bags will give them a mission and save you the walk up the road.

*Be sure to read the athlete guide to confirm when and where to deliver each bag.

Education

#58 Paleo for Women with a lot of talk about adrenal health

Coach BK:  Cert. yoga/triathlon/nutrition

Dr. Sarah Ballantyne, PhD

Coach BK and Dr. Ballantyne give a very informative chat on how paleo is a great way for female endurance athletes eat, how to improve adrenal health and have more energy.

For a free athlete health assessment –> www.bonniekissinger.com/aha

 

Eating, Education

Health Benefits of Garlic

GARLIC

Garlic is probably the best researched and most commonly used herb in the world.  Native to Central Asia, garlic is now used in most every country’s ciusine. Mention of garlic can be found in the ancient medical tests of Egypt, India, China, Greece and Rome, some dating as far back as 5,000 years.  This world-renowned cure-all herb has been touted for everything from weight loss and infections to low energy, dysentery, snake bites and low libido (1).  A search through the research literature of todays yields over 4,000 citations on garlic, suggesting it is just as popular in modern times as it was in ancient times.

Much of the research on garlic has focused on the organosulfur compounds, or OSCs, found in the whole clove, which are responsible for its flavor and distinct smell.  While allicin is probably the best recognized of the OSCs, there are actually many different types of OSCs found in garlic.  Some of these compounds, like allicin are dependent of enzymes that are activated when garlic is crushed, chopped, or chewed.  Others, like those found in aged garlic supplements, are formed during the aging process or are formed as breakdown product of other OSCs (2).  These OSCs are believed to be responsible for the majority of the health benefits of garlic though polyphenolic compounds and prebiotic fibers in garlic may also contribute to its health benefits.

CARDIOVASCULAR BENEFITS

Probably the best researched and most celebrated benefit of garlic is its ability to benefit the cardiovascular system.  Indeed, garlic has long been used for conditions that affect the cardiovascular system.  Research studies show that garlic supplements are quite ueful for the treatment of uncontrolled  hypertension, lowering blood pressure by about 10 mmHg systolic and 8mmHg diastolic, similar to standard blood pressure medications. (3)  Mechanisms by which garlic reduces blood pressure include inhibiting the aggregation of platelets, thus keeping the blood flowing smoothly (4), relaxing the blood vessels, and even blocking production of hormones that cause blood pressure to increase (5).  Garlic may also benefit the cardiovascular system by reducing LDL cholesterol levels and modulating inflammation (6).

 

ANTIMICROBIAL and ANTIVIRAL

As far back as 1858, Louis Pasteur carried out experiments to confirm the historically recognized bacteria-fighting activity of garlic (7).  Today garlic is recognized for its ability to fight not only bacteria, but also fungi, viruses and parasites (8).  The OSCs in garlic appear especially beneficial for limiting the growth and even killing H. pylori, a microbe that commonly infects the stomach and causes ulcers (9).  Research into the effects of garlic on the immune system show that it can increase the responsiveness of several important antiviral immune cells such as Natural Killer cells and specialized gamma delta T cells (10).  Ultimately the increase in immune cell function has been related to fewer symptoms and reduced severity of cold flu as well as less time missed from work (11).  Beside fighting microbes directly, garlic may serve as a prebiotic, helping to strengthen the good bacteria so they are better able to fight off infectious agents in the first place (12).  Garlic also reduces the inflammatory compounds that certain microbes produce (13).

 

DETOXIFICATION

Although much more research is needed to fully understand this connection, the OSCs in garlic are believed to support the body’s detoxification processes.  First, OSCs  support the detoxification process, helping the body to neutralize and eliminate carcinogens and toxins.  Other studies indicate that garlic supplementation increases the liver’s levels of glutathione and other important antioxidant enzymes involved in detoxification processes.  Furthermore, because many toxic compounds are eliminated from the body through the process knows as sulfation, by providing extra sulfur, garlic helps provide substrate to facilitate elimination of harmful compounds by the liver (14,15).

BRAIN HEALTH

The OSCs found in garlic display remarkably utility, benefiting not only the health of the body but also the health of the brain.  Some of the most interesting benefits of OSCs include their ability to increase growth of new nervous system tissue, protect the brain from beta-amyloid plaque induced inflammation and damage, and strengthen the blood-brain barrier (16,17).  Studies in an effective intervention-preventing inflammation from causing brain dysfunction (18).  Other studies show garlic increases the brains natural antioxidant defenses, helps with neurotransmitter signaling, and OSCs act as antioxidants themselves (19).  Overall, there exists a solid body of preclinical evidence suggesting garlic supplements have a promising future as prophylactic treatments for the development of neurodedegenerative conditions, such as Alzheimer’s disease (20,21).

OTHER BENEFITS

Several of the OSCs found in garlic have been investigated for their ability to modulate inflammation (22,23).  Many of these studies have focused on garlic-related anti-inflammatory effects in the  gastrointestinal tract.  These studies suggest garlic modulates inflammatory reactions to pharmaceuticals, toxins, and pathogens in the gastrointestinal tract, making it applicable to a large portion of the population (22).  References available upon request.

 

Athlete, Education, Podcasts, Triathlon

Electrolytes

 

Athlete Electrolyte and Hydration 101

(candid notes from the podcast.  Listen!!)

INTRO

Coach BK and Endurance Athlete / Nutritionist Rachel Shuck, chat about Electrolytes in a 101 kind of fashion.  What the runners and triathletes need to know to perform well, be healthy and be safe.

BACKGROUND

MAIN – What are electrolytes

GOOD DESCRIPTION:  Active.com

Electrolytes are minerals that, when dissolved in water, break into small, electrically charged particles called ions. Present wherever there’s water in your body (think blood, cells and cell surroundings), electrolytes regulate your body’s fluids, helping to maintain a healthy blood pH balance, and creating the electrical impulses essential to all aspects of physical activity — from basic cell function to complex neuromuscular interactions needed for athletic performance.

The water then serves as a conductor, allowing ions to move across membranes and carry fluid, nutrients and waste. In the process they trigger nerve impulses and muscle function and allow ions in the blood to neutralize lactic acid as well as other acids dumped into the bloodstream as waste.

OR

  • Facilitate thoughts
  • Facility all movement
  • Control h2o
  • Control timing and sequence of “events”

-To be a bit geekie, electrolytes are ions (particles with a charge on them) that control movement of molecules.

-Na, K, Mg, Ca are all positively charged

-Chlorides, Phosphates, Sulphates, Carbonates are all negatively charged.

The ions (+ -) accumulate in the watery blood system of our body. All of our cells use that (+ -) charge differential as a driving force when they isolate (permit) some ions on the inside of the cell and others on the outside.

In laymen terms:  Electrolytes ring doorbells and open doors.  Stuff goes in and out.

Main Players are:

Sodium – help “excite” nerves and muscles

Chloride – help “excite” nerves and muscles

Calcium – aids muscle contraction

Magnesium – aids healthy cell function

Potassium – helps regulate pH balance

Phosphate – helps regulate pH balance

What is sweat?

NA 0.9 m/L, K 0.2 g/L, Ca 0.015 g/L, Mg 0.0013 g/L, trace elements, and obviously most h2o

NOTE:  Don’t think linearly when looking or listening to the percentages mentioned of the elements and think that they are prioritized as Na more important and Mg less.

YO!!!  Did you know that 4 – 10% of your water gets replaced with “fresh” water everyday.  Blood is approx 93% water, muscle is about 73% water and body fat is about 10% water.

YO!!!! Also, did you know:  during the metabolic process, you make your own water!  When muscles burn glycogen (fuel for the mitochondria), they release about 2.4 units of water for every 1 unit of muscle glycogen. :)) COOL UH?!?!  This helps the body protect itself against dehydration.

DRINKING

As a rule of thumb we need to be drinking Body Weight x .31.  In long distance biking we say about a bike bottle an hour.  Tho these numbers are very individualized.  This you just need to figure out and train with consistently.  It really depends on your sweat ratio.  Which a good coach can do.

NOTE:  Electrolytes ARE NOT Vit C or Vit B or or or   … soooo.  Products (and some fancy products) that use the work “hydrate” but have no Na, Ca, Mg or K (chloride comes with them) in them is misleading for electrolyte replenishment, aka helping you to hydrate or USE h2o.  Vit C does not help you absorb.

Interesting Factiod.  If you don’t have enough sodium, your body produces a hormone, ADH that helps to prevent you sodium to dip too low.  This hormone promotes inflammation in your arteries.

HEED THIS ADVICE.  Do not take NSAIDS when it’s hot and your training/racing.  The prostiglandins produces are large molecules and are damaging to the kidneys.

NOTE:  You can’t “stock up” with electrolytes.  It doesn’t work like that.  The kidneys are highly involved.  Let’s assume they are working up to par.  You can fill up the tank, but not stock up.  The body will balance everything out and get rid of what it doesn’t need at that point.

BACK GROUND INFO:

http://www.bodybio.com/content.aspx?page=elyte-electrolyte-101

The membrane of every cell is composed of fat and acts as an insulator. By encouraging more of the sodium ions to accumulate in the blood stream, outside the cell (with potassium on the inside), they build up a charge on either side of the cell wall. That charge separation then becomes the driving force for all cells to be able to move the life giving materials in and out of the cell. It’s important to understand this because all the electrolytes are vital for cellular function and especially necessary for high performance. Simply put, without them we could not exist… even with the absence of just one of the basic 4 electrolyte minerals, we would be history.

The list of functions that electrolytes control is endless but include; temperature control / fluid level / cardiac arrhythmia / respiratory rate / digestion / fluid transport across cells / ion transport / renal function (bladder control) / neurological function / signal transduction / thought / memory/ all the senses both gathering information and then transporting that message to the brain and to the muscles including the sense of touch / energy production / glucose metabolism etc. etc. It is easier to count the stars in the sky than to list all the functions in the body controlled by electrolytes. But the body, in its miraculous evolutionary way is structured to maintain it all in some combinatorial marvelous life-giving manner. The majesty of it all is so wondrous that the study of cells and of life can often leave one breathless. We frequently sit back in our research as the concepts unfold and are literally awestruck. The most one can attempt is to try and convey a small picture of this wonder.

http://www.bodybio.com/content.aspx?page=elyte-inside-a-muscle-cramp

Cramping is one of the most common complaints of athletes. It can occur at any time but more often at the tail end of their workout. Cramps are a one way street in the complete cycle of muscle action. All body motion is controlled by the opening and closing of ion channels that sit in the membranes of all cells. Sodium (Na) contracts the cell and potassium (K) relaxes it. Similar action occurs to transmit a thought with Na and K triggering neurons (depolarizing) to both transmit and fire. In effect the electrolytes do it all. You can’t blink your eye or even see or hear without them.

A heart cell begins the process with Calcium (Ca) signaling the Na ion channel to open to begin the contraction cycle. There are hundreds of Na and K ion channels on each cell. A half second later Magnesium (Mg) encourages K to rush in which relaxes the cell. That’s the beat of your heart or the closing of your fist. With a heart cell the cycle is non stop; constrict with Na and relax with K. Its quite easy to see what happens when a muscle cramps. In essence you have half a beat. If a cramp hits your heart, you’re history, but in a different muscle you’ll hurt, but recover. If you’re swimming in a race half way home, it could be a disaster. Whenever it happens, it’s the guys in charge of the relaxing half of the cycle, Mg and K, that are missing.

Actually, what is happening, is that the high K concentration is sufficient to complete the back side of the heart beat, or leg pump, etc. Without those 2 electrolytes Mg and K, in plentiful supply, your muscles have only the first half of the action potential to work on. Over time, that’s a one way street, that can end up as a cramp. Cramps don’t usually occur when your doing sprints, they are the result of cellular stress (loss of electrolytes) over long workouts.

THIS IS COOL!!!

A number of coaches have tried “pickle juice” to prevent cramping in hot weather. Pickle juice is predominantly vinegar. Vinegar is acetic acid, and is used to remove sodium (Na) with individuals with high blood sodium levels. The coaches are lowering their athletes Na levels to prevent the first half of the muscle cycle instead of making sure that they have enough of all the electrolytes needed. Lower Na and you may not begin the cramp. Not exactly what the doctor ordered, but it can work.

However, you are removing Na to restore balance, instead of providing the correct electrolytes that the body needs at that moment, which is ……..Mg and K. Training logic says that you want as high a level of electrolytes as possible, all the time, not robbing one, Na, to achieve balance.

Sodium Closes (constricts) and Potassium Opens (relaxes)

In essence, the closing and relaxing of a muscle is dependent on the four mineral horseman of function, calcium (Ca), sodium (Na), magnesium (Mg), and potassium (K).  Sodium constricts and potassium relaxes, with Ca and Mg initiating each phase of the action.  If an individual is low in potassium, it appears that that singular event of low potassium can be sufficient to permit a cramp to occur. Without enough potassium available to complete the relaxing cycle, a random signal (or even a conscious one) to close by an out of balanced condition can leave almost any muscle in a locked position.

To understand sodium’s influence on the closing of a muscle and potassium’s role in engineering the reverse (the opening), it could be helpful, though somewhat macabre, to examine the procedure for executions.  Generally, the act of hanging was replaced by electrocution, which was in turn abandoned by the painless, yet highly efficient act, of an injection of a high concentrated solution of potassium.  Flooding the body with potassium forces all muscles to relax.  Eventually the concentration of potassium becomes so high that it dwarfs the normal balance with sodium, thereby restricting any ability to affect a normal muscle function.  The net result is to block the beating of the heart.  In effect the prisoner relaxes to death.

Essentially an execution by injection is the reverse of a cramp.  The execution is clearly an excess of potassium and the cramp appears to be the reverse.  The injection of potassium overwhelms the normal balance of sodium and robs it of its ability to initiate muscle function; the body cannot begin any function, you couldn’t even blink your eye.  The reverse of high sodium (or to be more precise, the absence of sufficient potassium) is an imbalance that sets up a condition for a cramp to occur.  The poor individual with insufficient potassium on hand may not be able to relax that muscle and must message or stretch the knotted jumble of muscle to force some potassium into the cells to turn off the tight cramping condition.

The potential cure for a cramp would logically be to have available sufficient stores of potassium.  However, magnesium also plays an important role in muscle function, so it is necessary to insure an adequate supply of magnesium.  Calcium is also important, but there is a ready supply from our storehouse of bone which appears to be sufficient for muscle function.   However, the supply of sufficient Ca and Mg as we age, is often insufficient, even though normal blood test results suggest there is enough.  But, that is a subject beyond this current discussion of cramps.

Education

#56 The Steep Learning Curve of Your First Half or Full Ironman

Coach BK and athlete Barb chat about all the things that an athlete learns on their first journey (or 2nd or 3rd) in 1/2 or full ironman.  There are so many things to learn and develop.  Also, we sprinkle in a bit of chatting about experiencing your first DNF and how your attitude greatly affects the results.

 

Coach BK does free athlete health assessments and gives guidance on how to tackle goals, races and if a specific race would be good for you.

www.BravingKarma.com

 

Free Athlete Health Assessment:  www.bonniekissinger.com/aha

 

 

Personal Growth, Swimming, Triathlon

That swim SUCKED but Coach told me to mark it as a win

OMG!  Thats all I have to say about this swim.  Have you ever had a workout and you …. manage to get home and think to yourself …. “ok, that was it.  i quit!”  Well …. the only reason I didn’t quit today was because my Coach told me no “what ifs”.

It’s kind of funny really.  Tori and I were talking on the phone about our medical conditions and how we were just F this and F that because really … we are dealing with some things that just blow.  Being fatty fatty when you are working your tail off and the meds don’t give a shit.

CHUNKY MONKEY

We are talking about … sweating 5 pounds to look good at the dance.  We are FREAKING talking about have NO NO NO NO clothes to wear.  Seriously people.  It’s one thing to not have NO CLOTHES and go to Walmart to get somewhat cute sweat shorts that leave pink fuzzies all over everywhere to fill in the gap.  IT IS COMPLETELY ANOTHER THING to think about … and almost need to order new training gear.  WE ARE TALKING … MOOOOOLA.  And defeat.  I came from pretty heavy anyway.  I had to work my tail off to get to 150ish.  Quite a feet for me.  Didn’t come easy.  I wasn’t one that could just eat and eat and not gain.  I look at potatoes and gravy and my arse gets bigger. #nmf  (and I love me some steak, mash potatoes and gravy.”

OK!  So that is the blog about.  Coach told me that sucky ass swim was a win.  I believe him.  I trust him.  I do.  He’s my guy.  You want someone to help you with training, get a good guy (or gal).  One thats real and knows when to give you a hug and not tough love.  And knows when to tell you to get your shit together.  Good coach.  Anyway.  This story is kind of funny in parts.  And I just want to share it with you, to inspire you to never quit, but maybe reserve the right to hit the pause button.  It’s hard to share … as it’s all my glorious warts out in the open and as a coach … it’s hard to not relate being a good coach with … preparing well.  But I’m so far from perfect.  hahahaha.  Namaste that beetches!  So …. the story goes …

I have a heart condition right now that is pretty in your face, I’m on two heart meds that really aren’t working that well.  Tho the cardio dude says go train, blah blah blah.  He doesn’t get it.  He kind of doesn’t really listen.  Its pretty terrible really when those of us that are really trying to get treatment of those that DON’T GIVE A SHIT.  I’m not smoking.  I’m not eating my weight in bon bons every day. I never sit on my couch … makes me mad. (another story). So this heart condition.  Meds.  Things act up interestingly enough when my body change orientation.  Standing to laying down. The other night in bed readying my heart (while mediated^2) was trucking away at 125.  Nice. So I pop another pill and hope it helps.

(I try to find balance but if anyone knows me … I get pretty mad when I can’t workout at all.  After all, it’s suppose to be good for you.  I’ve really toned it down, do start stuff.  Rest, blah blah blah)

So …. the team meets up to get in an OWS. Hahaha. I LIVE IN KS.  It’s FORKING windy here.  And today … dude the weather people tripped everyone out …. HUGE STORMS BLAH BLAH BLAH …. drama drama drama.  The radar was so clear.  What the hell.  It was super windy tho.  SOOOOO that means.  Rough water. Ok … so what.  I can do rough water.  I’m good with it.  RIGHT!

A bit of background.  I did almost drown as a kid.  My triathlon world started with wanting to learn to swim.  I use to be a complete DISASTER.  But I did the work.  My coach NEVER left my side.  NEVER.  Meaning he never gave up on me.  And didn’t … kind of be condesending … like some do/did/blah. #nmf

SO GUESS WHAT I DID!

More background.  hahaha. This is the funny part.  I DNF’ed my first race at NOLA 70.3 last year.  Mostly due to the stupid crazy swim conditions and I AM NOT A QUITTER!  Seriously tho, those at NOLA ’16 know what I’m talking about.  A recent version of the Titantic.  Due to panic … I gave myself pulmonary edema.  (Panic from childhood PTSD and the conditions and jumping into hell.) So … that shook me up, but ROCKED OUT mass start IMMW months later.  I know how to do chop.  And my coach knows I do.

However, enter in new heart meds.  Blah blah blah.  F’in blah.

OH!  I forgot to tell you that I decided to wear my NOLA swim cap.  Flipping the bird that that episode of life.  I was pretty confident that I could do it.  I had warmed up.  Felt good.  e.t.c.

LOL.  This is kind of how I roll …. roll my eyes at karma.  She’s pretty good that slapping me down quick and fast.  You’d like for a smartie that I’d learn to be less …. whatever.

So … start off. Calm. I get in the water first.  Because I’m ready. No hesitation.  Waiting for the rest of the team to get in the water cause my feet are getting cold.  And we go.  BOOM!  I’m hoping my 920 doesn’t jack up the yards again and I have to call Garmin again.  Easy peasy.  Calm … and it sneaks up on me.  Just the … I can’t get in enough O^2.  I rest a bit.  Coach is telling me to breathe.  What he’s really saying is CALM THE F DOWN KISSINGER. 😉 I was pretty calm.  Next time I rested I told him … I just can’t seem to use my legs.  So in chop and my new fast mode of swimming, no legs sucks.  So … and it continues to sneak up on me.  I rest.  Talk myself into slowing down the breathe.  And continue.  I’m still pretty sure at this point that things will calm down.  (yeah, I did run and warm up before I put on my NOLA cap). And then around the bouy I start to cough and spit up crap.  GREAT.  I know what this is.  Fluid in the lungs.  The pulomary edema.  Coughing. Spit up. More coughing. Rest on the kayak.  More coughing.  I know I’m done at this point.  But I’m stubborn. I needed this swim.

I’ve been having this mental dilemma of quitting tri for awhile.  Short fast stuff is out.  Long stuff apparently.  Fix the heart.  Maybe revisit later.  Cardio dude says I don’t have to.  blah blah blah.  Give the meds time to work.  Blah blah blah.

So.  I hit the PAUSE BUTTON.  I decide to swim to shore, let the kayak support help all the other swimmers.  I walk around the water in the stickers …. OH MAN THAT MADE ME MAD … holding my darn wetsuit off my chest because I literally was feeling like shit was going to go south.  Coach is yelling at me to breathe.  a.k.a CALM THE F DOWN KISSINGER.  And I’m mad.  Trying to calm down.  Being mad makes it worse.  Crying.

HOT F’IN MESS.  #nmf

So I get to the boat ramp.  Chat with Nemo, my friend and team mate.  And coughing my head off think … caffeine.  I need coffee now.  FYI. Thats the quickest way to fix pulmonary edema, due to this swim bs.  To stop it.   So I decide I’m going to starbucks.

But I don’t.  I wait.  And cry.  Think about leaving.  Stay and cry.  Because it’s my team and … I stay for the whole practice.  It’s what you do. You’re injured.  You show up and help. You do something. You don’t quit.

So coach tells me …. chills.  It’s the meds.  You can do this. You know you can.  Stop thinking of the what if’s.  We will figure stuff out.  It’s a win. You showed up.  You got in the water.  You tried.

It’s a WIN today.

Personal Growth, Swimming, Voices at the Roundtable, Yoga

Soft Whispers – Voices at the Roundtable

This morning …. I didn’t want to get up.  But the loudest voice in my head said ….

GET UP!  IT IS TIME TO HUNT

A bit about me.  I’m your classic HOT MESS train wreck.  I stub my toes daily.  Whack my  new apple watch on a wall corner, repeatedly (daily).  Break stuff because I don’t read instructions and just roll through life a complete hot mess.   Smart but can’t spell, caring but a little loud and straight forward.  I’m fine with who I am.  I say the F word.  A lot.  And I’m ok with that too.  I do try and … not offend anyone, but crap … sometimes it just rolls out my mouth like water in a mountain stream.

I live by hope and faith. I LIVE OUT LOUD, DREAM BIG and always try and help those in front of me.  I have acknowledged and come to know the voices in my head.  I lovingly refer to them as the “voices at the roundtable”.  I try and get to know each one, give them respect and acceptance.  They all seem to have something valuable to say at various times.  I usually end up getting myself into a place in life that I become exceedingly unhappy if I try and ignore or quiet one of the voices.  ( …. no, I don’t have a personality disorder … )  ( … or maybe I do and I’m in denial.)

TODAY I experience …. ZEN.  HARMONY.  BLISS.

A huge moment of clarity.  God talking to me.

The Universe lovingly holding me in my space.

A miracle.

2016 and some was stupid hard.  I can not believe the amount of stupid mistakes that I made.  The places that I allowed myself to go.  I will love and cherish the day when I look back and say to myself …. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”  I am not at that place.  But I will get there.  Where … I can look back and say … ok, I learned that and that.  And by learning I mean … I saw the lesson, I worked on it and I made a permanent change so I didn’t repeat it.  I Evolved.

At the beginning of 2017 I decided to make some serious changes.  Put my money where my mouth was and do the things that I coach people to do all the time.  Mostly to honor my values and dreams.  Change the things that are holding me back.  Be strong.  So …. I moved to a different city. Back to where my friends and tribe are.  I got a divorce to clean up some personal stuff.  And I decided that I wasn’t going to play small anymore and try to stick with the things that I value instead of doing shit half-ass because …. of blah blah blah.  In all this work … I needed to do some clean up.  Pay some prices and what not.  Well … the other day I went in to see  my cardio doc.  And yep, what I had suspected, was true.  I had broken my heart.  Yes granted, it seems that I have a genetic disposition for getting these heart issues that are kind of a big ass deal.  Atrial rhythm issues suck, are in your face and F me, are kind of scary.  And lets just say it OUT LOUD.  It’s your heart. The soul of you.  All the time I was living 1/2 ass and what not, I knew in the back of my head I was paying a big price, but was too chicken at the time to pony up and do what was needed.  Pause on the “don’t be too hard on yourself” thoughts.  You don’t know all the details, and sometimes we really do need to take responsibility for our part in stuff.  Learn the lesson.  Make the changes.  Move forward.  Evolve.

Holy crap, BK, heavy stuff …. where’s the BLISS moment ….

So today … instead of letting myself sleep in and rest, waiting for today’s call from the heart doc telling me when he’s going to fix my heart next week, I GET UP.  Because that STRONG voice, the WARRIOR at the roundtable, the DARK WOLF (who I love and adore), tells me to …

GET UP!

IT IS TIME TO HUNT

And the white wolf, (the magic maker and create-er) whispers along side … it’s time to evolve BK.  Do it different.

So I get up.  And I’m glad that I do.  I get into the pool.  I start swimming. I have this love/hate relationship with circle swimming.  Usually I’m the slower one, and always holding people up.  Well … seems that I’m getting faster in the pool and that isn’t the case anymore.  Which is awesome.  It was hard tho … the new heart meds make you a different athlete, so … it was like swimming in a stranger’s body.  Sort of.  But … I adjust and do the best that I can.  And log in the back of my head that maybe I need to do better warm ups before I get into the H2O.

Everyone leaves.  I’m still swimming.   The busy-body voice that is yacking about getting stuff done says to hurry up and get done.  But … something caught my awareness.  I’m not quite sure what it was.  I’ve NEVER experienced it in the pool last night.  Now thinking about it … maybe it was the by-product of practicing the Ganesh mantra in my quiet-time bath last night.  Or the meditations that other luvies are sending my way.  It was so profound tho ….

A bit of back story.  I almost drowned when I was little.  Ha.  It’s funny that I’ve always said that I was raised by wolves, meaning that in a negative context but …. I very closely identify with wolves as … who I am.  Ha. So I was raised by wolves.   And coincidently, I have been drawing them a lot lately. Uh.  Anyway, my story with swimming has been a complete train wreck sprinkled with many panic attacks, kayak rescues and such.  And I’ll throw in that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the ocean and for most of my life I have been sooo afraid of the water.  Such a big fat lie I’ve been carrying around forever.  I WILL BE SURFING in 2020 after IM New Zealand with my peeps!

So for me to be COMPLETELY CHILL in the water having this …. PROFOUND and GRACE FILLED moment is truly a miracle.  During a time that I’m getting ready to roll into heart surgery.  Letting someone put me under, control the fact that I’m alive or not and selectively burning my heart … to fix it.

THIS moment was filled with …. thoughts of complete safety.  And lets just say this out loud.  I have not felt safe. Completely safe.  EVER. Maybe a brief snack here and there.  Today tho …. thats the only thought that was really in my head.

YOU ARE COMPLETELY SAFE

While swimming.  hahahaha.  So … I swam and swam.  And swam some more.  To soak it in.  I literally felt like I was bathing (and more) in … maybe that is what a little person feels like in there mommas womb. It was that intense yet gentle and peaceful at the same time.

PEACE.  SAFETY

It was so cool.  And most definitely what I needed for my soul today.  I know that it’s the Universe.  Has my back, as always.  Hope and Faith.  My PEOPLE praying and meditating for me.  My coach being there for me.  Who’s sort of like my big brother.  My decision to be faithful and hopeful.  And who knows what else the Universe mixed in there for me.  I have faith that it’s good and true tho.  The feedback was most honored, tells me the decisions made yesterday are on a true(er) path.  Thought I’d share.  I hope that if you need peace and safety, you find how to open yourself up and allow yourself to experience it.  ~namaste

#nmf

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