Do you struggle with feeling calm, cool and collected? Do you struggle with anxiety, depression or other mental health aspects? Are you a veteran or other person that has served your community and country, has dealt with things and now struggle for health and well being? Have you thought about suicide?
Retired police / artist Jim Russell and myself, BK, have been in places that are dark and scary. Lonely. We have dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts and other mental things that have gotten in our way of feeling ….
Safe. Happy. Content. Well adjusted.
This podcast is about being vulnerable and speaking your truth. Shining light on our soft and weaker spots. This podcast is about being real with those around you. Being present. Giving our time and energy to those around us that need help.
We think about depression, anxiety and suicide thoughts as if someone has a broken leg. We wouldn’t expect them to walk themselves to the hospital for treatment. As is with some of the mental health issues, we need to be more proactive and nurturing to those struggling with some of these things. We need to be present and listen. We need to give of our time and energy to see, acknowledge and help when needed. We can’t continue to wait for those that struggle to ask for help.
For those struggling with these topics, we see you, hear you. This podcast is meant to inspire you to pause and look around. See the help that in front of you. Reach for it and don’t let go.
Keep up the good fight. You are not alone.
https://youtu.be/kvDioIurVk0
Shownotes
(0:10) Introduction to Jim Russell, Retired Police / Artist
(1:00) Introduction to the GY6 Rescue
(4:00) Goal Orientated Approach to FEEL BETTER, mindful and aware of labels
(6:44) As a Deputy Chief being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder
(15:48) Shared diagnosis to boss and received the perfect response
(36:57) Cautious with labels as they can take possibilities away
(37:35) BK’s swim story, PTSD, miracles and pixie dust
(43:18) All neurotic behavior stems from suffering
(52:12) How some life/occupational experiences have a big and negative impact on our peace and well being
(57:12) PTSD can come from small things, accumulative PTSD, life events
(1:01:42) If you feel like something is off, there are people that can help you. Now. You don’t need a label / diagnosis.
Jim Russell is a local Tallahassee artist who has been involved in art for most of his life. He began his formal education at FSU in 1988 as a fine arts major, diverting to criminology and spending a 25 year career in law enforcement at Florida State University. Retiring in 2018, Jim has since devoted his time with his first love, painting, and in the last 2 years has completed hundreds of works of art as a working artist. He paints mostly in oil and subject matters include realism, impressionism, and surrealism. He is currently painting a series centering on sea life. Jim is married to Connie Russell with an 12 year old son, Grayson, who is a developing artist himself. Jim advocates for mental health and drunk driving awareness, and he is an avid cyclist. His art can be seen at his Tallahassee gallery and at jimrussellart.com.
I have always struggled to sleep. Legit reasons from not being safe as a child. Chaos. Trauma.
I spent years self medicating in so many ways. Over exercising. Drinking. Reading. Meditating.
My latest long term habit has been to listen to various books on my phone. I’ve listened to ALL of the Outlander series books … maybe 30 times each. If anyone knows what I’m talking about … these books are HUGE!
Pretty sure my heart struggles now are a direct brush stroke of a lifetime of not feeling safe.
Truth though is for many of those years I WAS safe. Tho I didn’t *feel* that. Truth is that the inner ways of our being, when we don’t feel safe super deep down, it’s real hard for the logical brain to be the dominant voice. Funny (not funny) how alcohol can numb that deep inner wound.
It wasn’t until last year, then I decided to do some deep self development/person growth (really look into the damn mirror and cut the shit loose) that I got down to that wound. Hard as hell. Not pretty and still cleaning myself up.
I’m 4 days clean from the book listening. Last night my mind was busy but I did some praying. I have a couple of binkie still. CBD oil to help sleep. My person cuddles me to sleep (first time I’ve let anyone (human) in my space at night so not sure this is a binkie or not). It’s such a gift, the cuddles, his heart beat slows mine down. Like a soft warm blankie w a strong beat that mine lines up with.
Anyway. We have to look in the mirror. Be real w ourselves and do some hard work sometimes. To make real changes. Book listening isn’t bad. So … I could have chosen to not do this work. I do know that the things in my soul need nurturing as it colors another areas of my life. I’d like a bit different.
Reflections as I stretch to swim.
#ishinenotburn #beautifulrevolution #riseandshine
#iamapheonix #wolfpackstrong
As a side note. The swim to follow … fastest 500 to date. Nice solid faster bilateral 500. Winner winner chicken dinner.
We need to be mindful and be proactive at times. When?
👉🏻 Prior to travel, as you will get exposed to bugs you aren’t use to. 👉🏻 When stressed or after a stressful period when the body shifts to recovery mode. 👉🏻 During heavy training 👉🏻 DEFINITELY PRIOR (a week or two) before a big race. For the first reason mainly, and the other two. 👉🏻 Holidays
💥💥 Probiotics and turmeric 💥💥 And a big a amazing line up.
✅ Probiotics helps your immune system, which resides in your gut, work to maintain its hold, hopefully a healthy gut flora. Healthy gut flora help to do all things.
✅ Turmeric is a natural way to help bolster the immune system by increasing the immunomodulating capacity of the body.
✅ Echinacea for its immunity boosting properties. Black pepper to help the turmeric work better. Lemon, orange, pineapple juices.
This product below is made by a company that can be trust. Clean. Worth the money.
Perhaps have these on hand. Just pay attention to the expiration dates.
My personal experience. Decent tasting. Strong peppery taste. You could definitely add this to a smooth. Peasy go down Easy.
I want to have an awakening like they do in the movies.
You know, where the protagonist experiences their quantum shift with elegance and grace, leading us, the audience, into a wonderful montage (complete with awesome music) of all the ways their life will now improve.
They get an amazing new job after sending out a few résumés; a random run to the coffeehouse yields them a phone number from their dream partner; they ditch their sh*tty apartment and relocate to a house that they can now somehow afford very easily; they make up with their asshole father and go fishing. All in the span of mere weeks.
And, after the montage is over, we witness the protagonist looking back at the crossroads that brought them to this new, wonderful place in their life, all the while contemplatively smiling and drinking a margarita.
Reality check, please.
Real awakenings are not like this. Far from it. There is no montage, there is no music, there is no shortcut to the next scene in which we will somehow now be miraculously happy, at peace, or in love. We can’t fake it. We can’t skip the middle. We can’t yell, “Cut!”
With real-world awakenings, there is a lot of crying. There is a ton of confusion and doubt and questions and shock. There is deep-seated socialization and conditioning that gets unearthed, leaving us wondering what the hell we believe/want/know/feel now. There is the messy middle and feeling terrified in the middle of the night and that body issue that for sure got cleared up in therapy but is now rearing its ugly head…again. There is the wondering if anyone else ever feels like this, and, if they do, why aren’t they talking about it?
Awakenings feel like our heart is breaking and being pieced back together again at the same time. It feels like all the parts of ourselves are at war and they are inviting us to come along for the ride. It feels like we are caught between this person we say we want to be and the person we are right now (who is a complete mess!). It can feel wretched one minute and like we are on cloud nine the next. Sometimes, it just feels sloooooooow.
And then, in the middle of the awakening, something happens. A flash of a fresh perspective that shifts the entire world on its axis, a rush of love to the heart that makes us grab our chest and catch our breath, someone telling us that we matter, an old wound that finally, finally heals. Something releases. Something surrenders. There is a softening where there was once a hard place. There are moments that feel like we are being hit by a ton of bricks and knocked over by a feather at the same time.
Awakenings tear us open. They expose all the yucky stuff, the shameful stuff, the secrets, the dreams that were never given a voice, the relationships that imprison us, the words left unsaid. Awakenings are a mirror we can’t turn away from, even in our ugliest, most tattered gown. They force us to get real, to get honest, to get transparent. They ask us to up level.
Awakenings don’t just come for anyone. They seek out those who are strong enough to take a hit. Awakenings don’t f*ck around, because they have a mission: to help us arrive. To arrive at our deepest place of love and compassion. To arrive at our endless inner wisdom. To arrive at the tender crossroads of accepting ourselves and loving others. To arrive at the place in which we are in full trust of who and what we are. To arrive at our shattered places and pour some light over them.
Yesterday I felt driven, required, inspired to drive a pitfall that had been abandoned to a foster family many hours away. I have always had this special place in my heart for things that needed rescued.
A bit of back story, I signed up for a 70.3 in Des Moines, Iowa to inspire, force, drive myself to finish up some work that I have been doing in the area of inner child healing, letting go, truly moving on. We can talk about that later.
I let my mind explore why I was driven to help these dogs and I wanted to share with others the work that I viewed as difficult and life changing. Using the service of helping dogs, which seems to be easier work than driving to a therapist weakly, to heal the heart. After all, isn’t that what God tells us to do and perhaps why. Heal our souls through the work of helping other. Being humble and practicing humanity.
Though a lot of thought that was mostly given to me, as during the trip I had decided to be super receptive to whatever thoughts and feelings were coming, and sharing back to the universe … it was a very raw real and from the heart process. Which I feel gifted me with the next awesome step in my evolution to healing my soul and becoming the next best version of myself.
Yes. I had forgiven my parents for all the things. However, it was very clear that I had not really dealt with my abandonment issues. Which at the VERY present time are really causing some other issues in areas of my life that were causing my grief and suffering.
I did some following of my heart. It makes me smile to see how the hours and days have progress. Who I have reached out too. What they have said. And how through all of this, I found my next work.
I like work. I like to know that if I see a problem, I have some means of working on it. It makes me feel incredibly powerless, stressed and all sorts of anxious feelings to know that something is wrong, really wrong, and I can’t get a handle on it. I’m thankful that God told me. Amazing.
Discovering that I really need to work on my fear of abandonment, which is causing some real in your face anxiety, is so empowering that I’m pretty darn pumped. To know the issue means that I can find a solution. The first link that I read was such an eye opening that it has instantly changed how I feel about myself and all the things I’m working on at the moment. I feel in control again, empowered and that I can find a solution. I do not feel lost anymore.
Then I continued with searching and found some articles and resources and ended up finding a program, a series of books with some online resources to start with. I feel great. Hopeful.
We have sons that struggle with mental health … suicide thoughts and emotional pain is not as uncommon as we’d like to think. Seriously, being a mom is sooo tough. 💔Sometimes your heart seems to get pulled out your nose. 💔Relationships are tough. 🦠Managing our own crazy can be tough. Working on personal growth can really leave you feeling naked and ultra vulnerable.
🏊♀️So getting your tail to the pool or where ever can be a big effort. Especially as moms and bread winners, role models and the like … we have to put the game faces on. Play like we are ok.
So for those of you who aren’t quite ok. ❤️❤️ Or just not ok … hang in there. Try and reach out. Find someone you can say stuff to.
Today I was talking w someone who’s just starting out in tri. We know each other decently. She’s a real / honest / no drama kinda of girl. She said … “swimming is your safe place, just don’t think of any of the bs”. And it really hit home. Swimming is my safe place. I’m not super fast. I’m have severe swim anxiety. But I’ve conquered all that. I’ve heal a nice portion of my soul in the pool and open water.
I’m doing this crazy challenge of 100x100s Jan 1. Which is kinda silly as I have a needy shoulder. Hahahaha. And right now I swim about 6 times a month. I haven’t same more than 2000 in a hot min. Like since IMTX18. Hahahaha. Omg. However. I do a lot of strength work and yoga/swim stuff.
🐠🦈AND I ROCKED THE HELL OUT IF THIS SWIM. 🐳🐡
👊🏻💥AND ROCKED THE HELL OUT OF LIFE for 1:25:34.
And that just helped me bounce back to feeling so much stronger and capable. I showed myself that … yep. I’m stronger than what I was feeling.
So ladies. When you are feeling low. Defeated. Drowning w life or whatever. Keep your head up. Reach out. And show up. Get your mind right. Just for that workout or even 5 minutes. Whatever. Do the best you can, w putting all things to the side.
Oh. And I did some SUPERWOMAN Breathing!!! 5 minutes and BOOM!!! 💥🏋️♂️💥🏋️♂️💃
TRAINING NOTES:
8 x 500, RI 0:30 (no swim tools or aids)
Pacing work. I worked to keep my mind with “calm and strong”, working to have a nice solid pull each stroke.
I began to practice nutrition. Each 500 I would stop for 30 seconds for a drink. First couple of 500s I used 20oz of water with Liquid IV, 500mg Na, 400 Mg Potassium. The 2nd half of the swim I used my bike blend of Infinite. I didn’t like this as much and burbed it up a bit. I will go with Liquid IV next time for the duration and perhaps Glukos Gels for calories.
My right shoulder and pinkie finger was numb/achy for the 3rd 500. But I worked on form and that went away.
My nose was INCREDIBLY snotting after. My ears were blocked for a number of hours, probably due to the sneezing and what not. I will need to address this for longer swims in that pool. Finding a salt water pool would be a real good idea.
Shoulders were not sore at all the next day. I do a couple of different swim specific strength training workouts. 4 times a week optimally. 2-3 is required. Neck was a bit sore the next day. Though I would imagine that is because the 4k was done only breathing to the left. I was not able to get to every 3 due to heart rate not being chill enough.
Because sometimes we just need some comfort food in our lives! This bread is really good and quick, and reminds me of my mom making it when I was a kid, enjoy!
1 1/2 C. flour
3/4 C. sugar
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
2/3 C. canola oil
2 eggs
1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 C. peeled, chopped apples
Topping
2 tsp. sugar
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
Heat oven to 350. Grease loaf pan.
In a large bowl mix flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.
Add oil and eggs and stir until combined.
Fold in apples.
Spread into greased loaf pan.
Mix together cinnamon and sugar and sprinkle over bread.
Bake for 1 hour, or until toothpick comes out clean.
Cool for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and cool the rest of the way.
This bread is amazing. My mom used to make apple bread all the time when I was a kid, comfort food at it’s finest! I’ve made this with almond flour and it comes out well. I haven’t used anything other than regular sugar but am looking to experiment with honey next.
🔆Your body is pretty cool on this part. It has a lot of ways of accomplishing the same tasks, a hierarchy of activities and roles and ways to compensate like none other. I think our kind of primitive way of doing medicine, my opinion please, as insurance has driven a dumbie-ing down of things so to speak. The Indian wise woman knew a lot more. Functional nutritionists like myself and functional medical docs are going in the direction of the wise woman, with cool tests to back it up.
The intention of this lecture is to help you understand a bit more about: ✅HOW the body TRANSFERS ENERGY, ✅what that even means, and ✅how that applies to what you are doing. The hope is that you realize that things are bigger and more complex than what we are defaulting too.
Then you will realize that this diet or that diet, while it might have good intentions … we need to take a step back to see HOW and WHY and apply those principles to the INDIVIDUAL so a person can find their JAM, it be a lifestyle change. And they are smarter to support the BIG EPIC goals and activities, in a healthy and safe way.
ENERGY CAN NOT BE CREATED OR DESTROYED
Smarites many years ago came up with these principles. Newton and his laws. The laws of Thermodynamics. This principle is very important to understand. In life. We think we are invincible and and that we can just keep going forever. If we were to think about yourself as a car, with a battery, alternator, oil, gas and what not, we would be so much better off in understanding that we just can’t go 90 miles an hour all day long and something bad not happen. We know this about the car. How in the world do we lose sight of this with our own body.
The science behind this is, for nutrition, is simple. The nutrients in food, they are put together with chemical bonds. Like two or three ingredients that “combine” to form say glucose. When the body uses ENZYMES to “break” the “bonds”, energy is “released”.
First.
ATP: body’s “energy currency”. Just about every CELL in the body needs ATP to do it’s J O B
ATP is required to move skeletal muscle
ATP is required to contract our digestive muscles
ATP is required to produce enzymes
ATP is required to carry molecules across cell membranes
ATP is required to process what you see
ATP is required to think thoughts
the list goes on and on and on
ATP is made from nutrients in the body obtained from metabolism, or what we eat and digest/absorb/…
To keep it simple, just think about it like this. Your body is super cool in that on the fly it can use the nutrients in the blood to combine and break in order to make ATP. Then the body will “pull” nutrients for the liver and the muscles in order to do this J O B. Again to keep things simple, in relation to working out and ENDURANCE training, we get these nutrients for two places.
💥Triglycerides💥 & 💥Glycogen💥
These are the “storage” form of FATTY ACIDS (fat) and CARBOHYDRATES. These two are stored in both the liver and the muscles. So two important things to say here.
❤️Be mindful to not villianize Triglycerides. They aren’t from the devil. They are needed in the body. In the correct amount.
❤️ While the body CAN use protein for “fuel” to make ATP, it is not really designed to do that. It is a BACKUP method. Please think about that for a moment. And don’t take this to think that protein isn’t important in the body. It is not the designed means for making ATP, but it is required to provide the building blocks to help the body make ATP from triglycerides and glycogen.
BEANS WITH OUR AVOCADO / GUACAMOLE
💥Simple sugars (glucose) from the BEANS (complex carbs)
💥From the beans: fiber for the GI track to feed gut bacteria to convert short-chain fatty acids
💥Beans Protein: amino acids
💥Avocados fat into fatty acids
💥Glucose goes to our liver, stored as glycogen
💥Short-chain fatty acids that the gut bacteria makes from the fiber, usually used as energy within the colon/intestinal epithelial cells
💥Avocado’s longer-chain fatty acids go to the liver to be converted into triglycerides
💥Amino acids from this meal go into the body’s amino acid pool, which provides the body with material for new proteins, but can be used as fuel as well.
MAKE AND REPLENISH ATP IN MANY WAYS DEPENDING ON:
How QUICKLY we need energy
How FAST the reactions are happening
What nutrients are AVAILABLE (c / f / p)
If there is ENOUGH O2 to contribute to the reaction
3 Main Ways the Body Produces ATP
💥ATP-PCr (super fast)
💥Glycolytic Pathway
💥Oxidative Phosphorylative Pathway
ATP-PCr is a super fast system that can only support a couple of sections of activity. This system recovers fairly fast. But it does take some rest. Think of this like when you are doing sprint intervals.
Glycolytic Pathway is a very quick system as well, providing ATP for just a bit longer, like 10-15 seconds. This system makes ATP much slower than the ATP-PCr though they both last about the same. This is a much more complex system, with many more enzymatic processes involved. It produces a lot of hydrogen as a by product which can be harmful. Think of them as very unstable and can be like Wreck it Ralph. Hydrogen gets gets “buffered” with the ending result a lactic acid.
Lactic acid is designed to buffer the hydrogen ions (harmful dudes) and carry them out of the cells where they don’t reek havoc. This is what allows us to continue to exercise.
Oxidative Phosphorylative Pathway uses two processes, the krebs cycle and the electron transport chain. This process is designed to run a lot slower. So when the requirement for energy (aka ATP) is lower/slower, instead of using “energy components” to make lactic acid, it shuttles those “components” into the krebs cycle. And this is where we start thinking about carbs, fats and proteins can be used to provide “components” into the krebs cycle to support this “engine” of making ATP. When things are rolling smoothly, the hydrogen ions made during this process do different things than make lactic acid and get moved to the electron transport chain where they will make MORE ATP. A LOT MORE!!!! This is why that gray zone training, where you aren’t completely in this way of producing energy can be hard on the body.
Heart rate training aligns directly with these three ways of producing ATP / ENERGY. If you follow a good heart rate training program that stimulates and helps the body improve and become more efficient with these. AND YOU UNDERSTAND it better, you become a smarter and stronger athlete and racer. In this way you can do well with training, racing and what sideways stuff happens. Like it’s HOT. Or mother nature decides to throw 25+ MPH winds your way and you have to work hard, but your race is x long so you know you can do y.
❓❓❓Are you batting yourself and making the same freaking resolutions every year? Fighting to get to race weight but nothing seems to work? Struggling to stay on track even with big goals ahead of you?
If so then it is time to clear the path and find the way to your badass self! 💥🌟❤️
Join us for either a 3 or 6 month program designed to set you up for success in 2020.
Lace up those boots and get ready to rock because in the MBT Program you will: ✅ Reset your mindset to align with your goals, get outta your own way! ✅ Develop your mental grit ✅Kick your bad habits to the curb ✅Drop the freaking weight ✅Get strong AF in your mind and body ✅All so that you will be ready to hit the ground running in 2020.
What you get (3 month/6 month): -Guidance and support from two kick butt wellness warriors (Valued at $600/$1200) -Access to a private closed Facebook group for support and -accountability (and fun!) -Access to guest speakers where we will discuss the real real – forgiveness, mental health, why women are freaking superheroes, disordered eating and so much more. (Priceless!) -A full scripted workbook to guide you through your mental reset (valued at $75) -Body work (yoga /strength) and nutritional support (recipes, food guides and healthy eating resources) to help support your Transformation (valued at $300/$600)
We want to make this program as impactful and accessible as possible – so we are opening the doors NOW for early bird special pricing!
Register by *September 30th* for early access to the FB group, materials, and some bonus prep time with Coach BK and Jenniferlyn!
We are also offering a PLUS version of both programs including a fully printed and bound version of the workbook mailed to you, and a monthly PRIVATE Breathe Through to Break Through call with the coaches to check in on your specific progress.
MBT Program: 3 month Early bird $75 by September 30th / $97 until October 14th 6 Month Early Bird $145 by September 30th / 180 until October 14th
MBT Program Plus (printed workbook mailed to you and monthly 1 on 1 coaching with BK and Jenniferlyn): 3 months Early Bird by September 30th $125/ $150 until October 14th 6 Months Early Bird by September 30th $275/ $275 until October 14th
This summer sure has been a lot. We had a busy race schedule. D had a lot of military commitments to accomplish. The boys decided to shift from homeschooling to brick and mortar school. Some personal issues that are lingering. The experience of the Madison 70.3 drownings. My own race at Ohio 70.3. The experience of the bikers death on course during Ohio. I decided to take on healing abuse and rape from my past head on.
These last couple of months had been a lot. I think I’ve adulted fairly well. Though admitted I did pack on 15 pounds and drank a bit too much there for a bit. Here I am. Coming out of much of that stuff. Stronger. More wise.
I totally want a big fat gold star for holding my own and not stabbing anyone. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
❤️❤️❤️I’m thankful that I signed up for Ironman Texas prior to all of that. ❤️❤️❤️
I like to use a big race to rationalize buying a new 💥Plum Papers journal💥 and working on something big. Big like Ironman. But this time around, big like being a better human being and with less of an injured soul. I’ve come to learn that only YOU can accomplish that. Once you are ready. We bounce from thing to thing, trying to find a comfortable place to learn our lessons. When in reality … we just need to stop. Do it. Work. Know it will be hard. And have faith on the other side things will be ok. So the $$ I dropped down for IMTX and that darn $50 journal has been the key factor in my continuing to move forward in the path I’m on now. I usually bale and go find a different road. Missing the lesson.
Coach John and D were talking the other day. And I was looking at Johns countdown numbers that he updates. DAILY. I started thinking … wow, that’s dedication. And a great tool to help him keep the eye on the prize. #gysd THEN … I was like … HOLY SHIT BK … You have no idea how many days to IMTX. And I started doing math in my head. And I started with a quick summary of my paces at the moment and what I want at Tx. And I walked out of his pain cave with a new resolve.
While adulting is critical. Handling your shit is important. So is prioritizing your goals and dreams.
SQUIRREL MOMENT …. Someone said to me a while back … not your monkeys not your circus, when I was looking for support for my things going on. And that really pissed me off (and I stopped going that way for support) because I didn’t want to abandon my boys to handle life on their own. Or take the avenue of counseling and what not when I know there are things I can do and offer. And I didn’t want to end certain relationships because of things and the non clarity of what’s going on. 🐒🐿🐵🐿🥜
So I need to find the balance of taking care of some of this big stuff on my plate but I also need to make sure that I am prioritizing my goals and dreams.
💥 13:50 Ironman Texas
💥 Happiest kids on the block
💥 Brilliant marriage
💥 Guide Brave Soul and the Wolfpack to the next level
So … in conclusion … let’s wrap this up!!
✅ I need to stop sleeping to much being in a mini potty party. And I need to eat with excellence so I can help the body recover from the copious amounts of stress that has resulted in the need for more sleep.
✅ I need to hold better boundaries with those around me. Hold them to doing what they can for themselves more.
✅ Do that first thing better so my anxiety and general sense of upheaval lessens. So I can communicate more effectively.
✅ GYSD
✅ HONOR my beings need for self care and prioritize that as well.
