Personal Growth

Athlete, Personal Growth, Yoga

Yoga helps the Athlete deal with stress by increasing vagal tone

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yoga-nugget-vagal-tone-2HA! I know athletes (and the rest of the world) what you are thinking…vagal tone…what’s that!?!?!

Here is the 101 on it

So crazy important. Because while we all know that exercise is important, exercise is still stress on the body. And if you aren’t exercising right now, keep reading…unless you have no stress in your life.

The vagus nerve, the largest cranial nerve in the body, starts at the base of the skull and wanders throughout the whole body, influencing the respiratory, digestive and nervous systems. It’s the “air traffic controller”. It helps to regulate all body functions. Breathing, heart rate, digestion…as well as our ability to take in, process, and make sense of our experiences.

This vagal “tone”, as it increases, we feel better. Digestion improves, our heart functions more optimally, etc etc. This means for the athlete specifically that if our digestion is better (for example), we are absorbing nutrients better and getting of waste better so the SYSTEM (aka the exercising body) is working more optimally. So the athlete recovers faster, better. You get sick less often.

We have an easier time moving from the more active and often stressful states of being to the more relaxes ones.  As we get better at doing that, we can manage life’s challenges with the right blend of energy, engagement and ease.

Low vagal tone bring on a feeling of depletion, digestion gets sluggish, our heart rate increases and our moods become more unpredictable and difficult to manage. Studies are showing that low vagal tone is correlated with health conditions such as depression, PTSD, chronic pain and epilepsy.

Ok, so what does this mean? DO YOUR YOGA. Get to class, do the practice. Don’t go to the class thinking about toning the vagal nerve. (hahahaha) Just know what when your yoga teacher is asking you to do that breathing practice that seems odd, it’s gonna benefit you in a really BIG FAT WAY!

If you really want to know, the practice of the ocean breathe, aka Darth Vader breathing, aka breathing as if you are fogging up a mirror, (ujjayi pranayama) is a great way to increase vagal tone, as well as repetitious speaking of single symbol words such as “om” (aka chanting or prayer). To take the mystery out of it, its the vibration quality or frequency that results of the word “om”, when chanted, that works to increase vagal tone (It’s science, not voodoo).

Yoga helps to manage the crazy, or increase vagal tone. However you want to think about it. And that’s the rest of the story!

Personal Growth

Power UP your ATTENTION to Ignite your Desires

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Kids are pretty darn lucky.

Kids believe they can do anything.

I’m not sure what happens, but we end up 40 a little beat down and out. We have picked up a ton of mis-beliefs, things false, blah blah blah. We have forgotten how to get to what we really want. WHAT LIGHTS US UP!

It’s a truth that what you FOCUS your ATTENTION on you attract more into your life.

We might be a little bit conditioned to get stuck in our minds on focusing on what isn’t going ok, what is negative. Maybe a slightly different version, that we need to “fix” this or that. Which I believe is fairly negative in that you are thinking something is broken, which we label negative.

I suggest that we focus on what is good. Focus on what lights us up. Makes us smile real big.

Our inner most desires and dreams is connected to what is SUPER AWESOME about ourselves.

When we connect with that part of ourselves, what truly lights us up, we hop on a path of life where things are fun, become easier and get really juicy.  Struggling to make things happen lessens, things become easier.  That’s because our deepest desires and dreams are GOOD and our attention on those things aligns up with some SUPER AWESOME energy.  More than likely, what your inner wishes are directly maps up to your gifts, what makes you unique.  Those are the things the world needs more of.  So when you focus your attention on shining more, you brighten the world.  And the world wants to brighter.

YOU ARE A GIFT.  Your dreams and desires brighten the world.

So, where is a couple of steps that will help you to do just that.

  • Have a clear intention. Don’t muddy it with compromises and excuses on why it won’t come true.
  • Have clean and positive emotions around your desire. Feel how good it will be to fulfill it.
  • Believe what you want is beneficial to you without negative consequences to those around you.
  • Be prepared for what happens next, doing your best to be flexible about how you go from there.
  • Be confident that the help you need to rock our your desires and dreams will show up when you need it.
Personal Growth, Self Care, Yoga

What we need is more L O V E

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It’s been said many time. Countless times.

All we need is more love.

To heal our nation.
To heal the Earth.
To raise healthy children.
To stop war.
To stop gun violence.
To stop bullying.
To treat each other equally.

It sounds really easy. SIMPLE. And it is. Unless…

We find ourselves lacking in love for ourselves. As the saying goes…”You are what you eat.” Or “You are what you think.” Well, there are a ton of us with hurts and wounds that have painted our lives, colored our ability to honestly, truthfully and completely love ourselves. We instead think…

I’m not good enough.

I’m not worthy of love.

I don’t deserve more.

Maybe we lived with years of criticism. Maybe we were not encouraged to be ourselves. Maybe the colored lives of our parents affected our own. Maybe awful stuff happened and you’re doing the best that you can. Maybe the mistakes you’ve made have talked you into believing lies. Maybe the relationships you’ve had haven’t been all that healthy and have colored your beliefs.

Well, guess what? It can be different. Today. Tomorrow. Right now.

NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME.

You know how I know?! Because I said so. Because that’s what I believe in. Everyone is created in beauty. For beauty. For love. To make life crazy awesome. To do something meaningful.

There exists a strong, whole and vibrant part of ourselves, deep down, that has never been marred, hurt or torn.

A complete part that is aching to sing and shine.

If you’re needing to reset and just find more of your own MOJO, try these three simple things.

  • Stop trying to be perfect.
    Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect.  Hey what I see in you is perfectness.   Always do your best, but not reaching perfection is not failure.  Don’t let anyone’s expectations of you put any pressure on you. Remember that no matter what, you will always be perfect just the way you are, flaws and all.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others.
    Everyone on this earth is unique. We all have different gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, good height, a good physique or intelligence, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envious or jealous.

    A way to stop comparing yourself to others is by focusing on your own strength. Get to know yourself, and discover what your greatest gift is that you are meant to share with the world.

    Another great way is by practicing gratitude. Be happy for what you have. Really be grateful about everything that you have; people in your life, job, relationships, material, etc. Gratitude keeps your heart open to love.

  • Be who you really are.
    In order to love yourself, you have to stop loving the person you wish you were and love the person you actually are instead. We can try and pretend to be someone that we’re not, but in the end that only hurts us and the facade can’t stay up forever. Just be the person that you are and learn to love yourself just like that.
Personal Growth, Triathlon

Bonnie Kissinger, You Are an Ironman!

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me-ironmanHearing those words as you run down the shoot… it’s an indescribable experience. It’s like an orgasm, but way better!

It starts about .2 miles out. It’s getting crowded. You can FEEL the finish. Your body forgets it is tired. It’s not that you want to be done. That you need to be done. You are CHARGED UP!

You see  hundreds of strangers cheering you on…and AT THAT MOMENT they aren’t strangers. You hear the voices of your teammates screaming their heads off for you. They love you and are so proud of you. The volunteers and athletes there cheering you on, knowing the countless hours, tears and sacrifices that you made.

The eyes that you see filled with joy.

The smiles that are beaming at you.

The hands that you HI FIVE.

The voice of Mike Reily

The music.

You are being drawn down the finishing chute as if you’re in the channel of a powerful river. You’re not just finishing a race, it’s…

HELL YEAH. THIS MOMENT IS MINE!

Once upon a time…

My Ironman journey started almost two years ago when I decided I wanted to learn how to surf. It dawned on me that I’d kill myself because I was afraid of the water, still held my nose when I jumped in. I couldn’t swim. I had a near drowning experience when I was 8. My son did as well when he was 5. So I left a message with a swim coach. Heidi Coble called me back.

The swim has been a hard go for me. Panic. Anxiety. Asthma. It’s humbling (and scary) to have an asthma attack in the lake and have to be hauled in. It’s disheartening to have the Kansas 70.3 swim thrown at you repeatedly and you meet the challenge with FREAK OUT. Being afraid of that damn swim. Many many tears. Of struggle. Of frustration. Of letting things go. Learning to swim in chop. Learning to swim in chop breathing to your weak side. Learning to swim dealing with your asthma attacks. Hard stuff. I got through most of my swim “issues” during the 2012 triathlon season. I was still crazy slow and unsure of myself, but I think my coaches weren’t constantly worried that I’d get out of the water.

dropping off the dough…

So when I found myself in the Lovgren car traveling up to Wisconsin to volunteer/sign up for IMWI 2013, I was completely freaking out. And trying to ignore it. Watching the Ironman race swim start…it was incredible. Those brave and fantastically awesome people. Crying as I watched the swim cut off, those brave and fantastic people that didn’t make it… on the anxiety meter, I was maxed out. The mass swim start was so beautiful and badass. I said to myself, “I WANT TO DO THAT!” Riding the bike course the day before the race was great. It was hard. But it told me what I was in for!

I’m signed up…

and then I got injured. I tore up my AC joint digging a hole. I jacked up my leg/knee in an adventure race. I started off-season training visiting Dr. Jon Messenger, ART specialist and chiropractor, every week. Big fat thank you to Dr. M. Without his expertise, skill at listening and team work approach, I am sure my shoulder and knee wouldn’t be in the great/better shape they are now.

OFF SEASON:  TIME TO GET TO WORK

REHAB. So no yoga (because I’m a bad girl and wouldn’t stop doing the fun stuff). No running. Pool swimming was all therapeutic. Which was a blessing, as I was forced to focus on the basics and get some things right. Or else my shoulder would hurt like hell. HA! There were times I could barely lift myself out of the pool. That sucked. Good thing my coaches are patient ones! It was incredibly frustrating. Many times pools swims ended early. I’d be mad. I’d cry walking back to the locker…I was a complete wreck. I won’t go into all the emotional BS that I dillie-dallied with (I wrote it.  I read it. Though to myself, OMG, it’s a wonder my coaches let me come to practice. I was a complete whiner. I deleted it).

LESSON:  Pain is your body communicating to you. Don’t ignore it.

LESSON:  Sometimes injuries are fleeting, so don’t freak out. There are a ton of things to do to fix it up right quick (learned later)!

LESSON:  Don’t be so dramatic. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Chill out. You have time. Trust your coach (learned much later).

SEASON STARTS:

I started to get to work. I learned how to work with my body. I studied the nutrition piece. I focused on balance. I had to focus on keeping my needy body parts happy. Were things smooth sailing? No flippin’ way.

McKinney Sprint Triathlon. Asthma kicked my tale. More crying. The damn weather wouldn’t play nice so Kansas 70.3 was a “strip the band-aide off” kind of swim. I horsed around for a good 20 minutes before I got into a rhythm that would resemble swimming. Won’t go into all the details…but Kansas 70.3 was a turning point for me. Coach Jeff and I had a talk. Basically … “you need to get your shit together”. I was really busy: going to school to be a health coach, schooling my own kids, trying to work, build a business, blah blah blah. Kansas 70.3 sucked big time and none of the latter was really the issue, it was mental BS.

LESSON:  Focus on what matters most.

Oh yeah. Kansas 70.3 was the start of left shin splint.

Two months later, Boulder 70.3: I rocked it. This was the big turning point for me, for the swim. For a lot of things. A month from Wisconsin Ironman. I felt… “just about ready.”

Update on shin splint. Getting worse. Not doing a lot of running the last month before Wisconsin. Again at Dr. M’s constantly. Cold laser therapy. Normatec. PT. Oil applications. Dr M and I had this conversation… “what happens if this flares up during the race and I just ignore it, will I end up with screws in my leg”. Always good sound advice from the Dr M.

LESSON:  What to do with the different levels of pain and discomfort. Continue adding up the miles because you’ve never ran a marathon or stop and rest to save yourself for the race. Hard lesson.

Playing around on Facebook, especially the Ironman Wisconsin group, was AWESOME too. Made some awesome friends! You all are the BEST!

PRE RACE:  TWO WEEKS

I spent a lot of time mentally preparing. Yoga nidra, visualizing, meditating. And I mastered the art of controlled freaking out. I think others around me didn’t think so but… it all payed off.

I was really freaked about the bike, I wasn’t completely confident that I could get it done. It was strange though…I was really focused on the swim. I wanted to experience the swim with NO freaking out. In control all the time. So I focused on that and did my best to ignore all the doubts I had about the bike. And fear that my injuries would be loud on the run.

I had piles of race stuff everywhere in the bedroom. I never intended to be a beggar, but I ended up borrowing a lot of stuff. Next year I’ll try and race with all my own stuff! I was planning. Visualizing. Thinking. My husband attempted to come in one day. I said “This might not be the safest place for you right now.” He was always so gracious. “Ok babe.” Or just turning around without saying much. I ordered tri tats so my race numbers would be pretty. Super glad I did. I wrote action steps for T1 and T2 to put in my transition bags. I had been training with Endurafuel after Kansas 70.3. Which was a great change. So I obsessed about the smartest way to fuel myself on the bike and run. I’m glad I did because I was very well prepared mentally on race day. I guess I had freaked out enough during the two weeks before the race that I was completely chill race day.

THE DAYS BEFORE WISCONSIN

Traveling up to Wisconsin was fun and interesting. I loved getting up there early.  It was nice to take in the scenery, get my bearings. Couple of us were able to do a swim before the race. INVALUABLE. Having my husband, Coach Heidi and Coach Jeff there as anchors was awesome! I tend to freak out (no really!) so I really valued stuff like… “Wear the purple socks!” “This food and beer is good.” “I’ll get that for you.” “Its over there.” “Go here, there…” The less “figuring shit out”, “making decisions”, “finding and FOLLOWING directions” as possible and I’m a happy girl.

RACE DAY!!!!

I was calm. Ready.  I didn’t forget anything. Didn’t break swim goggles. Everything went like clock work. Having the coaches there as an anchor was AWESOME. Coach Heidi’s smile at me, confidently, saying “You got this.” Coach Jeff in the race, that was awesome too. I totally embraced his “Get your mind right! Laser Focus on racing.” Did my very best to follow his example… “Put your game face on and get it done!”

The weather was PERFECT. Overcast. Not too cold. Water was perfect temp. Slightly windy, but NOTHING like Kansas.

SWIM PIC:

With my wetsuit on ready to go, I spied Jeff, caught his gaze and off we went.  I was glad to be behind him, I wanted to get in the water before the race started.  There were a lot of people milling around in the chute, it was slow going.  So I followed him as he worked his way through the crowd.  I lost him, lost momentum forward until some really pushing lady started pushing forward so I followed her.  Then I lost her so I became the pushy lady.  I’m glad that I did as there were swimmers still getting in the water when the race started.  I wanted in the water.   Find my spot.  Get my race plan going.  I warmed up for a short bit, found my place.  Halfway between the ramp and the start buoy, towards the back.  After I had warmed up a bit, I found a kayak-er and hung out for a bit.  Checked my Garmin.  Gave him a stern talking to about not messing up, then decided I wanted a slightly different spot.  When the gun went off, I was ready and just started swimming.  The water was fairly choppy.  I’m not sure how it would compare to Kansas swims.  I felt like a completely different swimmer than I had been at any other race.  There was no initial freak out.  Or even a hint.  I just started swimming.  I got into a nice rhythm straight away.  At Boulder I had learned how to sight quick and memorize the field so I would know what was around me.  When I first started, where were a ton of people  around me.  I think I might have started too far back as I started passing people right off but that was ok.  I just weaved through them.

I wasn’t planning on “Mooo”-ing at the first turn buoy.  But there was so many people that just stopped there to “Moo” that I had to.  So I did.  “Moo”.  The short far side of the swim was really choppy.  I swam pretty wide there, I think the water was pushing me out and I didn’t correct very quickly for it, so the 2nd turn buoy I was pretty wide.  That was ok though, as I was able to keep a nice steady rhythm.  The back side of the swim was a LONG LONG straight away.  1.2 miles of it.  Choppy.  I had started the swim breathing to my weak side (the left) which has now been renamed to just Left Side.  I had thought that I would switch to my routine right ride breathing but felt myself slow down, so I switched back.  I kept myself entertained by trying to find folks to draft off of, seeing how close I could swim to one guy, if those bubbles were mine or someone else’s.  I had a complete BLAST on the swim.  It was just so freshening to be able to swim through the chop on my own terms.  Not have to deal with my own freaking out.  Or deal with not being able to breathe well.  It was simply one of the most beautiful moments I’ve spent with myself.

There really are no words for how much this meant to me.  It wasn’t about the race, I felt that I had FINALLY FOUND MYSELF.  I had gotten rid of a lot of bullshit that wasn’t me and I FELT GREAT FABULOUS LIGHT POWERFUL.  I really didn’t give a rip at that point about the rest of the race.  I had accomplished what I  had set out to do.  The rest was icing.

back to the swim ….

The buoys changed colors at the halfway point, yellow to orange.  For me it was harder to sight the orange buoys.  Maybe because of the overcast.  Around two miles I started to get tired and swim more kroocked.  And actually managed to run into someone.  At first I thought that I was completely off … but in discovering that it was Mark Alft (fellow team member) that I ran into, it could totally be him that was completely off.  After saying “Hey Mark!”  Chuckling at his priceless expression and then swimming off, I got the rest of the swim done.

Swim Details Division Rank: 88
Split Name Distance Split Time Race Time Pace Div. Rank Overall Rank Gender Rank
Total 2.4 mi –:– 1:48:11 –/100m 88 2227 539

T1 SWIM TO BIKE – 10:08

This is one of the best parts about an Ironman and Wisconsin.  The volunteers ROCK.  They are just plain AWESOME.  So you get out of the water.  Pull down the top of your wetsuit, sit down and a volunteer pulls of your westuit.  Lickedy-split.  Up you go, running up the helix of the parking garage, into the room, grab your bag that a volunteer hands you.  Still moving fast around the room they direct you, another volunteer picks you, directs you to a chair.  And the business of getting ready for the bike begins.

I AM SO GLAD that I had the list of action steps in my bag.  I didn’t need it as my mind was crystal clear from the ROCKSTAR swim but the volunteer read it anyway.  1 -2 – 3, boom boom boom.  Change your Garmin to bike.  Start drinking your V8.  Change shorts.  Pre-shammied from the day before.  Bike Shirt.  Headband.  Eat the banana.  Sunscreen.  Helmet.  Glasses.  CARRY your bike shoes.  I ran bare foot out of transition to my bike.  Good move!  Ready to find my bike.

I had chosen to wear different shorts for the swim so my bike shorts would be dry.  I had struggled with skin issues from the tri shorts.  It was nice to have dry clothes on, as race day was fairly cool.  I had decided to put on the arm warmers but ended up unhappy with them early on.  And they JACKED UP my sharpie arms.

“JUST BE AWESOME” and “:)” (thanks Kathy!)

TWO STICKS and TWO LOOPS

I felt pretty good getting on the bike.  Riding down the helix was SUPER FUN.  The first part of the Wisconsin bike course is called “The Stick”.  15 miles through parks, parking lots, streets, highways, neighborhoods.  Interesting.  Going out was fairly fast.  I was thinking “I’m going too fast!”, but I was having fun.  So I slowed just a bit and was happy at how my legs left and that I was holding my goal pace.  I was really encourage the first half of the first loop.  That’s when my mind finally decided that “YES!  I could do this and I was going to finish this b*tch.”  Hahaha.  That decision made …. about 80% of the ride was fun.

The bike was hard.  6000 ft of climbing.  For the most part, all of those feet came with some fast downhills so I was happy, being the dare devil am I.  Three of the hills did completely suck.   Like really suck…

4mph
quads burning
am i f’ing there yet
SUCKAGE

However, this is where being in Madison, Wisconsin,  home of  the BEST volunteers and spectators that I’ve seen so far, completely rocks.  The toughest parts of the bike course were lined with volunteers and spectators cheering you on.  People mostly naked.  People in costumes.  Random home owners in lawn chairs.  Everyone cheered you UP THAT HILL!   Without them I would have gotten off the bike and walked.  Seriously.

Second time around the loop.  At this point I know I’m going to make it, but the legs are starting to get tired.  I know about the three hills now.  To reset, I stop at special needs to get my extra fuel bottle.  I was actually drinking more than I had planned and eating less.  Which was ok, I had planned for that.  I was eating a banana at each aide station and taking water. But the kind bars were coming up so none of that.  I drank the V8 out of my special needs bag, left the pickles, used the tall blue box and went on my way.  My stomach was happy, I was happy.  And my arse hadn’t started to hurt yet so …. RIDE ON!

My pace dropped a little on the 2nd loop but I was still mostly on time.  My legs were getting really tired.  Those three hills really hurt.  I started to ask myself things like “who’s awesome?” “what are you made of?”.  I’d chant for miles “I’m made of iron. I will not give up.”

The Stick coming back was the hardest part of the bike, interestingly enough.  My legs were done.  My arse was mostly done.  The wind was full in the face and my front race wheel started to catch the wind, which was a new experience for me.  I was mostly alone and spectators were minimal.  (Yes.  Pity party for one started).  One lady tried to get me to smile but I was being pissy.  The guy yells at me “Well, you got to smile at the fact that soon your ass will be off the bike!”  I chuckled at that!

Bike Details Division Rank: 83
Split Name Distance Split Time Race Time Pace Div. Rank Overall Rank Gender Rank
18.8 mi 18.8 mi 1:07:50 3:06:09 16.63 mi/h
38.8 mi 20 mi 1:16:48 4:22:57 15.63 mi/h
60 mi 21.2 mi 1:30:26 5:53:23 14.07 mi/h
80 mi 20 mi 1:23:44 7:17:07 14.33 mi/h
112 mi 32 mi 2:14:10 9:31:17 14.31 mi/h
Total 112.0 mi 7:32:58 9:31:17 14.84 mi/h 83 2183 498

T2 BIKE TO RUN – 13:29

I was really tired coming in off the bike.  I was beginning to bring the run into the forethought.  I didn’t see anyone that I knew.   I started to feel myself wilting. I wanted to melt into a puddle and wash away.  This all happened in the span of a couple of seconds, so I was sort of surprised by it.  It’s awesome that at Wisconsin the volunteers grab your bike, rack it for you.  (And thank goodness, I’d been a tripping mess trying to manage that all myself)

Here’s where the training kicks in.  All the long training days, working to get yourself home.  Instead of wilting, I got my feet under me.    Told myself, “This is ALL YOU!”  “You have to dig deep.”  “Right now!”.  Took me a couple of seconds.  Got my shit together.  Walked into transition.  Got down to business with my list.  Changed my bra, shirt and shorts.  GREAT DECISION.  Used my cucumber yum smelling wipes to wash my face, arms and legs.  Looked at my arms.  “Just Be Awesome”.  Check.  Smiley face on the other arm.  “Ok … I can do that.”  Put KT tape on my shin.  Fantastic purple compression socks on.  Found myself looking and feeling like a runner.  And out the door I went.

MY FIRST MARATHON

I started out walking.  I walked until I felt my bike legs change to running legs.  And I was still sort of getting my act together.  I trained for this but seriously … it’s  a FLIPPIN’ MARATHON PEOPLE!!!  This is where I really thought to myself, “WTF were you thinking!”

Up the first hill.  And was blown away by the crowd.  That really super charged me up!   I started to get really excited.  I see Jen L and give her a BIG FAT HUGE.  I was so happy to see my race buddy Nemo!  Then I ran into Heidi.  I’d been looking for her.  I’d been waiting for forkin’ 112 miles to tell her that the SWIM WAS FREAKIN’ AWESOME!

It meant so much to share that with her, as she and Jeff had helped me so much.  My life has been completely changed by the training. BOOM!

So off I go.  The course was surprising.  Weaving through Madison, being surrounded by some many people, through stadiums, up and down ramps.  It’s was like a merry-go-round from the twilight zone.  When I started running, you know how the first mile or two sucks.  I was COMPLETELY amazed that my shin didn’t hurt at all.  In fact, nothing hurt much during the first 6 miles.  Well, once I decided that walking up the hills was going be how I rolled.  The hills where killer.  They hit me in the face more than the hills on the bike did.

So the rhythm for the first 12 miles was …. 1.  Walk up hills.  2.  Try and maintain 11 mi/mile when running.  3.  Walk through aid stations: cup of water, 2-3 sips of fuel concentrate from my fuel belt, fill up powder if need to, water on arms when hot.

FYI. I decided to use my Fuel Belt with 3 10ozbottles.  I had my fuel mix, just the powder, in there.  With 3 extra at special needs.  Per training and calculations, 3 would get me through 13 miles.  So was dependent on stopping at special needs for the 2nd half of supply.  This worked well.

Then things go real.  I really didn’t slow done much going down the hills.  I was using that to maintain my pace.  I was counting on my shin or IT band to start screaming so I was surprised when the outside lateral ligament on both knees started barking.  Around about 10.  Screaming at 12.  I think this might have been the biggest contributing factor to one of the most traumatic events of my race life.

I was WELL hydrated.  I had learned at Kansas 70.3 to keep this aspect in check.  At Boulder I had experimented with pee-ing (does one type pee-ing, urinated, going #1 …) on the go.  Oh man.  There really isn’t enough water at the aide stations to wash that funk out so when I needed to go, I used the blue box.  This is when I discovered just how angry the knees where.

Completely soaking wet, getting things up and down.
Knees buckled.
Wet flesh sliding ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Body slamming against the side.
Some cursing.  Some giggling.
Some more cursing as the process goes in reverse.
Thanking the port-a-pottie god that the thing didn’t tip over.
There as a tear or two.  Mini Pity Party in the blue box.

Finally getting out.  Couple more thanks to the blue box god.  Then I said to myself … “Shit, that sucked.”

Forcing myself to start running again really was a b*tch.  At this point my fuel mix was starting to make me nauseous.  It was scary going into Ironman Wisconsin having never run 26.  Steve R and Scott C’s words were in my head most of the run.  Make decisions with the last 10 in mind, go mile by mile and the last 10 are all nutrition.  So when I started to get nauseous I asked myself, “Ok, girlfriend, what are you going to do?”  “Not drink anymore of that damn mix for starters!”  Plan game coming up.

I get myself to the turn around.  Trying really hard not to think about the fact that this is just 1/2 way.  For me the run was so much harder than the bike.  Probably due to the forced low miles due to the shin split.  I was still maintaining my desired pace which was awesome.  But I was certainly paying for it.

The turn around was …. hard stuff.  Getting into my special needs bag and wondering … how in the world I was gonna do another 13 miles.   My knees hurt so bad at this point.  I was just about empty.  I stood there at my special needs bag, a bit dazed, in slow motion.  I changed my awesomely bright yellow tank top into an awesomely yellow running shirt.  That helped.  Then I pulled out my pickle juice.  HELL YEAH.  Drank that down.  Took one of the fuel mix bottles though just the though of it made me want to ralph.  Wiped my face with a yummy smelling cucumber wipe.  Got my hat back on and started to walk.  The aide station guy said “Just keep moving.”  Indeed.

Faking your knees out in the crowd is not to hard.  When you get out do the stadium and lonely spots.  That’s where it gets real.

Walked a bit with Fireman Bob.  Got a good pep talk about changing up  my plan and just keep walking, “You’ll make it!”

Some crazy voice in my head kept saying “BS.  Stay at your pace!”.  So I forced myself to keep to the rhythm, walking up the hills, running down, walking through the aide stations, forcing myself to start running again.  Walking when the pain just go too unbearable.

Fight it.   Fight it.  Fight it.

I chanted that over and over for another 4 miles or so.  Then I got to the very lonely part of the run.  It was dark.  Very dark.  I tried counting to 20 over and over.  Lost myself in the teens.  So for the remainder of the run I chanted to 10.  Over and Over.

My pace slowed a bit, but other than the knees screaming, I felt strong.  Nutrition wise I tried cola.  Didn’t like it but the chicken ROCKED.

ROCKED

Rank: 80
Overall Rank: 2050

BIB: 586
Division: F35-39
State: Wichita KS
Country: USA
Profession: Engineer
Swim: 1:48:11
Bike: 7:32:58
Run: 5:44:34
Overall: 15:29:20

CONGRATULATIONS, BONNIE, ON YOUR FINISH!

EPIC

Personal Growth, Yoga

I paused before I freaked out

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I want to start out with an admission. I’m high strung. And busy. And driven. So one of my biggest triggers is when my to-do gets affected without my permission. Hahaha. Let’s all take a good laugh at that one!

I’ve been working for years, meditating and cleaning up my less that optimal lifestyle habits to help myself be more “even keel”. I want to be the best mom ever. This “even keel” thing is part of let. Cause let’s face it, I didn’t hatch June Cleaver.

I want to be super patient and chill as a parent (person).

So one this particular day, I had a lot on my plate. A lot of it was extra tasks not of my choosing. I was getting a lot done. Then BAM. I open the dryer to see what was left of a 10 Pack of Hubba Bubba. You all know what I’m talking about! Holy Mother of Destruction I had never seen anything so … O M G.

I did get every irritated. But instead of blowing a gasket and yelling, I paused. Then I giggled to myself “figures”. Ever find yourself at that fork in the road?

Meditation, breathing exercises, yoga, mantra, journaling …. all examples of practices that strengthen our mind.

Mantra, the repeated saying (or chanting) of something really helps. In fact mantra means “mind protector”. There are more and more studies that are showing that these types of activities are greatly helping people. The-wire their brains, change behaviors, positively impact heart rate and blood pressure, you name it! How? Well, because you thoughts really matter. Your thoughts influence your brain hardwiring which in turn impacts your body.

Awesome. Mind boggling. Overwhelming. Lost?

Let me make it simple for you. Because it is.

Practicing mantra can greatly influence your life in a positive way. And it can be easy peasy.

For instance:

  1. Sitting, and breathing. With the inhale say out loud or in your head “I inhale greatness/love/awesomeness”. And as you exhale say “I release tension” or “I am love” or “I give myself to you (God, universe…)”. Over and over for 5 minutes.
  2. For swimmers. With your stroke chant “I’m long and I’m strong”. For runners “I am strong, I do not quit.”
  3. As you take a walk outside, feel your feet as you walk. The bottoms of your feet. With each foot impact say “Today is awesome. Today I am just fine”.
  4. Sit for 5 and repeat your favorite hymn or scripture.

The power comes in the reverence that you do it. Say it with feeling. Even if you are saying it in your head. With much feeling. When you get distracted, and you will, just refocus and begin again. With practice you get better at it. Stronger in mind and emotion.

So when you don’t blow up at the small person. You pause, you don’t destroy the space created to allow said little person to learn as well. To display his acknowledge of the situation and practice being a super great person.

He gave me the best sticky ever. And that candy tastes real good. I would have missed out had I not paused.

LiveOutLoud

Personal Growth, Yoga

Seasons of change

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Winding down after a demanding day often means turning on the TV, pouring a drink or eating some junky food.  A more productive, healthy way to chase away tension, anxiety, and the daily blahs is meditation.  Here’s a meditation designed to help you quiet mind chatter, focus inward, and explore the limitless realm of your heart and soul.

You’re outside for a walk, going nowhere in particular, just walking for exercise and enjoyment and to get your thoughts clear on changes you’re making in your life. Perhaps you feel a bit disconnected, as if you’ve outgrown something and you’re searching for a new sense of direction, a new way to grow. It’s a beautiful autumn day, and the changing leaves on the trees are colorful and vibrant.

You notice a little leaf that has fallen to the ground. It calls to you, asking to be noticed, wanting to share it’s essence with you. It’s beautifully unusual, and has hues of orange, red, and yellow.

Picking it up–perhaps feeling a bit sad at first that it has lost its connection to the tree–you soon begin to realize that it is following its course of direction and purpose, beginning a new journey that ultimately leads to renewal and growth.  You compare this leaf to yourself and to the changing seasons–to the changes in life.  Perhaps you are going through changes in your life, perhaps feeling a little sad and lost yourself as you make changes, let go of connections, and prepare for new directions.  Perhaps you’ve outgrown something; now it is time to move on and explore new options.

Perhaps you’re unsure of your direction.  You look at the leaf and notice it is ready to move forward in its life cycle–saying goodbye, letting go with love   You admire its courage, knowing you must find that same courage within yourself to move on.

You relate to this leaf and feel a deep inner sense of kinship and familiarity with it.  Like you, the leaf has out-grown this particular connection.  You look at the tree it has fallen from and feel a sincere gratefulness and appreciation for the growth this leaf has experienced, for the growth you’ve experienced, for the connection that enabled you to grow and flourish and now to move on to a new direction in your life–a new course of exploration and growth.

You begin to explore your inner essence, going within yourself to see the changes you’re contemplating in your life.  You’re ready to revitalize yourself, allowing the budding and blossoming of your soul as it renews itself from deep within.

~ G. Chadwick from Inner Journeys

Personal Growth, Yoga

Movement and Meditation – Dance of Energy

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Light streams through the window. In that ray of light, the dust in the air, ordinarily invisible, dances. There is a dance going on around us constantly–a dance of energy. The leaves on the trees dance in the wind. Our thoughts in our mind.

Imagine for a moment that nothing in this world is solid. It is all a big field of dancing golden particles of light, like the dust in the sunlight. You are surrounded by energy in motion even as you think you walk on solid ground.

Close your eyes and imagine this dance of energy. The more you think this way, the lighter you become and the more energy you feel. You begin to discover you can dance with things, events, and relationships. The dance is a perfect metaphor for human relationships and for life.

In different situations, ask yourself, “How can I dance with this?” This difficult person, your car breaking down, waking up tired in the morning. Hold out your arms to your partner of the moment, whatever or whomever it may be. Follow the rhythm of the moment, the music of the day.

It’s a great practice to sit and meditate, feeling the energy pulse within you, being with it until that very energy lifts you up. You may find yourself dancing, spontaneously moving into a yoga posture you have been doing for years, or dropping the ball into the basket with unexpected precision, but now it’s coming from deep inside. Also try the reverse: dance your heart out, and then sit down and feel the silence reverberate around you. Notice how you settle into meditation more easily: feel the tingle and rush of energy throughout the body. Movement and meditation go together; they enhance and support each other.

Sometimes people ask, “what can I do with my anger? My fear? My grief?” Dance with it. Truly, literally, dance with it. It’s what people have always done. Put on some music and move, by yourself, in your room, in your garden. Dance your anger, your fear, your love, your longing. As you dance, you become one with primal energy.

~ The Vibrant Life

Education, Personal Growth, Yoga

My Girl Boxer has EMOTIONAL TOURETTES

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I rescued this boxer from the pound about a year or two ago.  I’ve always had a girl dog.  Makes my soul smile.

She was terribly flawed.  Abused.  Anxious. Crazy hyper.  Tongue way too long.  Crocked jaw.

I knew she was a soul mate though the moment I saw her.  You know how those things go sometimes.

It got worse.  Boy oh boy does she have some issues.  She ate a couch.  Mild, compared to some of the behavior issues.

Today though, as I struggle to get my hands around some of the dog issues …. I can’t help but see myself in her.

….  like a carbon copy.  My thoughts travel to how we sometimes deal with things (the misbehaving dog for example)  Maybe this is how we do a great disservice to ourselves (and  human beings in general) …. give up, give ourselves away, pass the issue to someone else …. (ignore, drink too much, go on meds to numb ourselves, etc)

EMOTIONAL TOURETTES

This thought has been stuck in my head for quite awhile.  Behaviors that pop up seemingly out of no where.  There are lots of fancy words in all different systems to define this.  I like the term “emotional tourettes” myself.  Not to excuse the behavior but to provide understanding and hopefully INSPIRATION and EMPOWERMENT to do something about it.

In my dog’s case. She has abused.  Who really knows what happened that caused her to be wired up in some undesirable ways.   We see the resulting behaviors now though.   She gets unsure of herself.  Scared.  Feels as if she needs to protect herself.  Becomes aggressive, etc.

Can anyone else relate?

EMOTIONAL TOURETTES

Sometimes we don’t clearly understand what triggers us to act like this or that.  And maybe we get real attached to the results of the behaviors.  Lose sight of that INSPIRATION and EMPOWERMENT to do something about it.  Get confused on whats to do.

What I’ve learned from dog training.

1.  Focus on positive.  Make it DESIRABLE for the dog to pay attention to you.  LOVE LOVE LOVE them  (so love yourself).  Play games with them.  Positively re-enforce the good.  Do your best to not focus on the bad behavior, which does not help.  Set up your dog for success.  SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS.  (get help if you need it)

2.  Consistency and Practice.  Give your dog successful opportunities to learn.  Make sure they are getting enough exercise.  For the humans.  Exercise.  Meditate.  Practice calm mind activities. Sometimes focusing on positive mind practices can help our (hearts, minds, soul) heal organically, in the background.  Without really needed to attack the issue head on.

3.  Boundaries.  If the dog needs a time out, give one.  Humans too.  For the dog, establish who’s boss.  For humans, figure out for you “Who’s boss”.  😉

BELIEVE THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.  (though might not be easy)

ALSO BELIEVE inside of that dog is a wonderful and valuable piece of the earth.  Worth the effort.

IN YOU TOO!

Personal Growth, Yoga

FOCUS on what matters most, put the rest in the backpack

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When it’s really tough, you don’t always have to go at it HEAD ON!

Jane is going through a divorce.  There is a lot at stake.  Finances.  Children.  Logistics of rebuilding a life.  Internal grief, lose, doubt … Jane is struggling with smiling at her children, figuring out how to move forward.  Her sleep sucks.  She feels as if shes drowning.

It can be overwhelming.  Leave you breathless.  Feeling lost.  Unsure.  Unsettled.

Divorce.  Job changes.  Illness.  Struggles within the family.  Life.  Any of these can make things just a little more interesting.

All of this can lead to taking the necessary next immediate steps difficult.

Sometimes we get stuck in the thought that we need to fix everything.  All at once.  Meet the challenges head on.  Feel like we’ve accomplished something because all the messy ends are taken care of.  One reason we trend towards this way of working through things is that we get super uncomfortable with the “unknown”.  So we work hard to find another “known”.

DOES THE WORK WELL ALL THE TIME?

We can get into a habit of forcing the situation, to get out of the “uncomfortable”.  That forcing action can be stressful, inefficient, less than optimal.   Detrimental to our health.  And maybe we miss a lesson we are set to learn.

Perhaps if we had waited in the “unknown” for a bit.  Experiencing the uncomfortableness of it, we find a different “solution”.  OR …. the “solution” comes to us organically.  We have faith and the situation works itself out.  Like magic.  And we learn how to be “more OK” with uncomfortable.  More flexible, less rigid.

WHEN IT GETS INTENSE:

1.  Write down on a sticky WHAT MATTERS MOST.  3 things.  Put that sticky(s) right in front of you.  FOCUS.

2.  Emotionally, mentally put the stuff NOT on the list in your backpack.   Intentionally leave it in the backpack until something on the WHAT MATTERS MOST list demands something out of the backpack.

WE ARE NOT HIDING, just focusing on what matters most, what we have control over, what we have energy and strength for.  We aren’t putting it in a box in the basement …. after all, the backpack is so very close to the heart, just not in our immediate sight.   Just on the backburner.

You’ll find that you gain strength.  Give yourself room to breathe and think.  Room for FAITH to work it’s magic.

So Jane, she’s really struggling with understanding why her ex-husband would do x,y and z.  And also struggling with his behavior, the choices that he’s making in regards to his children.  The first, is there really any answers that help and the second, can she control his behavior?  So she works everyday to put those things in her backpack.  Intentionally put the thoughts in her backpack EACH time they come into her mind/heart.  She works to FOCUS on herself, telling herself that the situation doesn’t change the fact that she is a ROCKSTAR.  This helps her to smile at her children.  Later on down the road she finds that she doesn’t need to understanding why he did x,y and z.  Perhaps she gains more self worth through it.  Maybe her actions that stem from that knowledge are visible to him, he organically changes as well.

HAVE FAITH
BREATHE
LET GO
BELIEVE IN THE NEXT AWESOME PLACE
(repeat)

Personal Growth, Yoga

2 Flavors of Fear

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Fear comes in TWO flavors.

Physical Fear and Irrational Fear

A bite of physical fear might taste something like the feeling of a near miss car accident or running from a wild animal.  Clear and present danger.  Fight or flight.  Get  your tail in gear or else.

Now irrational fear might taste the same, except that there is no danger, it’s all in your head.  The main causes of irrational fear come from assumptions, projecting, worrying about some future event.

Irrational fears can plague us, wreak havoc on your bodies, minds and souls.  Being in this constant state of trauma, drama and negativity.  (lack of faith)

We need to understand the difference between Real Fear and Irrational Fear

One keeps us alive.  One keeps us a prisoner, promotes slow death.

Homework:  develop awareness of when you taste fear.  Ask yourself … where is the fear coming from.  If it’s irrational, practice self love, acceptable and faith.

You are PERFECT just the way you are.

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