I read this book a while back. Super fabulous. Dr. Dan Siegel’s Parenting from the Inside Out. OMG. Very good book, for those that want to be better parents (or better humans), that maybe didn’t grow up in the Beaver household. I highly suggest, click the book for more.
The book talks about behaviors. And how sometimes they are a mystery. For example. A mother might get really upset when her child does x. There really isn’t a good reason why the mother gets upset, but she does. It feels largely out of her control. Yes, she can power through remaining in control, faking calm. But the point is that it happens almost automatically, if not full on automatic. She tries and tries to stop the behavior…but maybe it just doesn’t make sense, the counting and deep breathing don’t work.
The book talks a lot about the brain, the two sides, what they do and don’t do. And how an event will (should) have a version in the left and the right side. They are meant to layer together, to make sense. But what if they don’t. For example, the mother might have had a very traumatic event that she doesn’t logically remember, but the emotional trauma is there. Perhaps the source of the unexplained autopilot thing.
Very interesting stuff. From my own experience with the book and the assignments (I read it twice) it is probably one of the most beneficial reads in my life. And in my children’s lives.
Story Time
Background. I have personal space issues, though I would like to believe I’m largely over most of it. I almost drown when I was 6. My son almost drown when he was 6. So this summer was a learn to swim summer. Now in November, I’m a decent swimmer. So is he. (Yippey)
So when Jeff, my swim coach said, “This drill will require some personal contact.”, I thought to myself, “Oh great.” Then, “Ok, I’ve gotten over this, no biggie.” My logical brain said “Relax. You’re a rockstar, no biggie”. I did the drill, wasn’t all that bad. Then it hit me. Like a bulldozer. The next lap I went to swim, to practice what I learned in the drill, I sucked in so much water that I had to stop. But it didn’t end there. I could hardly get to the end of the pool. In the middle of the pool, mostly paralyze, I could only dog paddle. That was the right side of the brain, the emotion side, totally reliving things from the past. And it stopped me cold, no choice of my own.
I was very frustrated by it. And a bit interested in the whole thing, like watching myself on TV. How strong the emotional response was, how I was able to be a witness to it. And here is what I said to myself. “That’s some junk that I don’t want anymore. So we chatted. I relaxed. Tried to. And swam again. And again. Honestly not to push through it, but in the hopes of knowing what it was, this unresolved stuff, knowing I didn’t need it and wishing to release it, let it drift away from me. Leave it in the pool.”
Did it work? The releasing? Yes. My next long swim was better. We will see, when “personal contact” comes up again. I imagine there will be bits still there, but…maybe not.
I encourage you, when you get uncomfortable, perhaps don’t immediately turn away. Take a breathe, see if you can get use to having one toe in or a foot in the “uncomfortable zone”.
Maybe that autopilot doesn’t kick in so strong or take us somewhere we don’t want to go.
LIVE WELL.
